Tag Archive | "John Terry"

John Terry Fun



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As most everyone knows by now, Chelsea’s John Terry cheated on his wife with ex-teammate Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend and baby momma, Vanessa Perroncel. While this story is incredibly funny and far from over (plus, we’ve yet to give our take on the matter…stay tuned), Dublin’s FM104 has produced a little ditty that sums up the situation thus far.

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So Long Sol



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solcampbellnotts

Sven Goren Eriksson’s Notts County revolution has taken a hit as Sol Campbell has decided to leave the club—after only one match. No reason has been given for Sol’s departure, but maybe the fourth division reminded him too much of playing for Portsmouth.

Unfortunately, allegations of racism have tarnished the third round of the Carling Cup. Blackpool’s Jason Euell was the victim of verbal abuse while El-Hadji Diouf, now of Blackburn, claims to have had bananas tossed at him. Unlike Euell, nobody believes Diouf…hmm, I wonder why.

Avram Grant is back…well sort of. The former Chelsea manager has agreed to a coaching role in the remote Russian republic of Komi. What a fall from grace for a man who was one John Terry missed penalty from winning the Champions League. Football really is a fickle bitch.

On the subject of remote coaching outposts, Bryan Robson has agreed to coach the Thai national team. He replaces another Englishman, Peter Reid. The English might not rate their own managers, but apparently they’re more than good enough for Thailand.

You might remember Joe Cole. Plays for Chelsea, had a great goal in the 2006 World Cup, and has been injured for the past two seasons. Well he’s recovered and he’s ready to be the point in Chelsea’s new diamond formation, or what Joe refers to as the ‘sausage roll’ position. Seriously folks, he’ll be here all week.

And in economic news, season ticket sales are down in Italy. And no club has been hit harder than AC Milan. Looks like an aging Ronaldinho isn’t as big of a draw as fan favorite Kaka. And to add insult to injury, no one has sold more season tickets than cross town rivals Inter Milan. Ouch, that’s got to hurt.

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A Bolt Of Lightning Everywhere



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usainbolt

Well it’s the last day of the international break and let’s hope our favorite players don’t get Tevezed before they return to their clubs. While club football may have been on a break, conspiracy theories and over-inflated egos didn’t. Nor did we take a break (don’t forget to follow us on Twitter.)

The world’s fastest man and, apparently, the world’s number one celebrity football supporter, Usain Bolt, will be a guest of the English FA as England take on Croatia in a World Cup qualifier. Not that long after palling around with best mate Cristiano Ronaldo in Madrid last week, he’ll be at Wembley rooting on England. The Jamaican sprinter is such an England fan he even used the word ‘we’ when talking about today’s match.

He may not be as fast of foot as Bolt, but Didier Drogba is quick to pat himself on the back. The former want away striker, who has now declared himself Chelsea-for-life, claims that he’s an unselfish player who doesn’t, ‘look at my scoring statistics.’ I agree with him. The way he got himself red carded during the 2008 Champions League final so that John Terry could be forced to take a penalty was definitely soulless selfless.

Another man who doesn’t mind taking one for the team is Manchester United midfielder and Scottish captain Darren Fletcher. The hard-nosed player has encouraged his teammates to question their opposite number if they’re ‘up for a battle?’ He also goes on to say he’ll be ‘in your face and kicking at your ankles.’ I’m sure those are comforting words for Arsene Wenger after he questioned Fletcher‘s role on the pitch during the last Manchester United v. Arsenal match.

Wenger’s problems with the Scottish aren’t restricted to the playing field. He blames the Eduardo diving suspension on, ‘Scottish people working at UEFA.’ David Gold, former chief executive of the Scottish FA and current UEFA general secretary, has come out and explained that, ‘It’s not all pals together’ at UEFA. No word if he was having a glass of red wine with Sir Alex Ferguson at the time of the statement.

Old pal Juande Ramos has been tipped for a return to football. After resurrecting his reputation at Real Madrid after his Tottenham debacle, the Spaniard is rumored to replace Leonardo at AC Milan. Like Martin Jol (now at Ajax after a successful stint at Hamburg), Ramos is finding that being fired from White Hart Lane might be the best thing to happen to a manager.

And let’s end on a truly joyous note (for once). Liverpool fan Michael Shields, who was incarcerated four years for a crime he didn’t commit after Liverpool’s Champions League victory in Turkey in 2005, has been released from prison today. Congratulations Michael.

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To The Professionals



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theprofessionals

I have to say that this season football journalists are up and ready to go. First we had the Eduardo dive saga that dominated the headlines for the better part of two weeks and now we have ‘Kiddygate.’ It seems every club who’s lost a teenager to a larger club is lodging a complaint and the papers can’t get enough. I have to say I’m impressed by the willingness of some news outlets to over report on certain topics. I’m especially impressed by some hardworking papers who will report on things that haven’t yet happened. So this article is dedicated to the professionals.

Two professionals who may not be appearing at next summer’s World Cup are current and soon-to-be named FIFA Players of the Year Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. While this may take the luster out of the tournament for some, it won’t bother John Terry at all. The Chelsea and English captain would actually prefer it. I guess JT doesn’t believe in wanting to test yourself against the best. There’s that fighting English spirit.

One man who doesn’t mind facing the best—since he is the best—is Bjorn Helge Riise. Fulham’s latest signing and John Arne’s younger brother doesn’t lack for confidence. In an interview with Norwegian magazine Avisenes Nyhetsbyra (my personal favorite) he declared that his teammates haven’t ‘done well’ and he’s ‘better than Damien Duff.’ That should endear him to his new teammates. But wait a minute…Bjorn has come out and claimed he was misquoted. Ah, saved by the misquote. Now that’s a journalist who wasn’t working hard enough.

David Beckham—who knows a thing or two about hard-working journalists—has come to the defense of diving poster child Eduardo. He claims enough is enough and to ‘lay off’ the boy. Becks is so behind the times; doesn’t he know we’ve moved on to ‘Kiddygate?’

We now know why Bacary Sagna has those stupid bleached braids of his. He scored them by losing winning a bet with his father. It seems Papa Sagna was smart enough to be against the braids in the first place, but made a bet the boy could win. Of course this all happened about eight years ago when he was a teenager. You think he would be out of the rebellious stage by now.

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A Shameful Night At The Bridge



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johnterryoutburst

Regardless of how you feel about the performance of referee Tom Henning Ovrebo in last night’s Champions League semi-final, there is no defense for the actions of John Terry, Michael Ballack and Didier Drogba. Ballack’s chase and grab of the referee should have resulted in an immediate red card. And Drogba’s shameful tirade should result in a massive ban. Instead of acting like professionals and accepting defeat, they instead added fuel to the fire that has resulted in fans posting death threats against the referee.

I also put Guus Hiddink to task for defending the actions of these spoiled sore losers. I know it’s the job of a manager to defend his players, but it’s also the manager’s duty to set an example of behavior that his players should follow. Instead of congratulating Andres Iniesta for a wonderful strike, or taking blame for not being able to put away a squad that was down to ten men, they have decided to harp on penalties that they thought they should have received.

In the end it wasn’t Chelsea who lost, but football. In an age when bloated salaries have resulted in bloated egos and a sense of entitlement in players, Drogba and Ballack’s actions have furthered the image of the out of touch, out of control footballer. The club released a statement condemning their fans’ threats against the referee, but felt no need to address the actions of their players. If Chelsea wishes to be one of the greatest clubs in the world, they could have used this moment to set an example to the rest of the footballing world that these actions will not be tolerated. Instead they just enabled the next player who decides to make a mockery of the sport.

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Chelsea Change-Up



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Frank gets around.

Frank gets around.

I knew they were close, but this is kind of weird. Following Chelsea’s narrow escape against Liverpool in Tuesday’s Champions League semi-final, John Terry had dinner with Frank Lampard’s ex Elen Rives. Meanwhile, Frank was at a nightclub with his dad and a woman that isn’t new WAG Saskia Boxford. It’s like the Desperate Housewives of Stamford Bridge.

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Love And Happiness



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algreen2

‘You be good to me, I’ll be good to you…Walk away with victory.’ Al Green sang those lyrics in his classic song ‘Love and Happiness.’ If I didn’t know he was talking about loving his lady, I’d think he’s singing about footballers. How many times do we hear players talk about being happy at their clubs or how they can feel the love from the fans? Then more often than not they take the money and leave.

Alan Shearer is known for his willingness to speak his mind, and he wasn’t shy in sharing his displeasure with Obafemi Martins’ last minute withdrawal for Saurdurday’s match against Stoke. While some are reporting it to be the end of Martins’ career at Newcastle, others are saying it’s no big deal.

Over at Old Trafford, we won’t have to worry about wunderkind Federico Macheda becoming too big for his britches. It seems everyone from captain Gary Neville to backup goalkeeper Ben Foster will make sure he knows his place. And if that doesn’t work, he’s always free to feel the wrath of Fergie. But he’ll have to wait in line as Cristiano Ronaldo is the latest to displease the boss man. And he’s attempting to piss off Porto as well.

While much is being made about the future of Roman Pavlyuchenko at Tottenham, apparently all he has to do to make Harry Redknapp happy is learn English. After seven months in England, the Russian hasn’t learned any English at all. I don’t understand all the fuss, a lack of English hasn’t kept Harry Redknapp from a successful English career.

Looks like Franck Ribery is Barcelona bound. At least that’s according to Bayern München teammate Mark van Bommel. And I’m sure that’s the last we’ll hear about Ribery leaving Bayern this summer. I wonder if Franck’s getting as upset at all the transfer gossip as David Silva?

Good for John Terry. While he might never get over missing that penalty kick in Moscow, he says he and the rest of Chelsea have finally gotten over Jose Mourinho. It’s all about Guus Hiddink at the west London club these days and they want him to stay. And it looks like Mother Guus doesn’t have much choice in the matter.

What would a derby day in Rome be without a little butt slashing? I think those Ultras definitely could use some love and happiness.

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The Ups And Downs Of Football



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rollercoaster

One day you’re riding high, and the next you’re back to being a bum. Such is life in the world of football. Just ask Rafa Benitez and Jurgen Klinsmann. Leading up to the match, the ‘Fact Man’ was busy telling the press how terrified other teams were of his juggernaut Reds, and then they went out and got embarrassed at home by Chelsea. Meanwhile, Klinsy’s job status—never the most secure in Europe—took as serious hit as they played the Washington Generals to Barcelona’s Globetrotters. Football is a fickle game indeed.

Not only did Chelsea exercise their demons last night at Anfield, according to Frank Lampard, they’re now the team to beat. Not one to get carried away, is he? If you ask John Terry, Liverpool were getting carried away with the dirty tricks they were using to try and get him booked. Fortunately for the Blues, they have ‘supernatural’ Branislav Ivanovic on their side.

I’m not sure exactly what Ivanovic’s powers may be, but I wonder if he had anything to do with bringing Adriano back from the dead.

Spanish relegation battlers Osasuna don’t need help from the dark side, all they need is a little pork. Two weeks ago a local pig breeder offered twelve suckling pigs if they beat fellow bottom feeders Espanyol, which they did 1-0. Then they followed that up with a 4-2 demolishing of Atlético Madrid at the Vicente Calderón—which earned them twelve more delicious piggies. Good news for everyone but Osasuna’s two Muslim players.

In case you really want to know, Kaka doesn’t want to go to England and wishes to stay at AC Milan. Maybe he’ll change his mind when he hears Craig Bellamy’s offer to clean his boots. No word on what other services the Welshman has offered.

Boot cleaning might not be enough to lure Kaka, but it might convince Zenit St. Petersburg striker Pavel Pogrebnyak to move to City. The Russian is keen on a move to England, as long as it’s not Blackburn. Can you really blame him?

It seems Lukas Podolski’s love slap isn’t going completely unpunished. The German police are now involved and investigating the incident. Good to see the German police have nothing better to do. I guess I better get my ‘Free Lukas’ t-shirt ready.

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John Terry’s Mom Caught Shoplifting



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Don't cry John, I'm sure she didn't do it.

Don't cry John, I'm sure she didn't do it.

According to The Sun, John Terry’s mom and mother-in-law were accused of shoplifting clothes from Marks & Spencer and Tesco. Terry’s lawyer called the incident an ‘unfortunate misunderstanding.’ I’m not surprised, really. I you consider the fact that he makes £135,000 a week, he’s been stealing money for years.

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It’s Been Emotional



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jones

Emotions are running high as spring approaches and clubs trophy aspirations are vanishing into thin air like so much of the Drunk’s marijuana smoke. On this Tuesday, the papers are filled with emotional people and I have to say that it makes me happy to know that one of our favorites, ‘Facts’ Benitez, leads off today’s roundup.

He sure is trying to squeeze all he can out of that miracle 2005 Champions League victory. Yesterday ‘Facts’ ranted that Liverpool doesn’t get enough respect. I guess he doesn’t realize that making deep runs in the Champions League (like every other English club that qualifies), while being out of the Premiership title race by January, isn’t all that impressive. Of course you can’t expect a man who gets punked at his own press conference to have a clue.

Another person fed up with getting kicked around is Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s also having trouble controlling his anger at the situation. Of course if he didn’t spend the first few years of his career falling down like a drunken toddler, his offenders wouldn’t get away with it so easily.

Theo Walcott apparently wishes he had the same problem. Lil’ Theo recently went on record saying that he hopes he gets ‘clattered’ by Roma in Wednesday’s Champions League match. I don’t think he’ll be saying that when his 90 pound self gets knocked out with yet another injury when his prayers get answered.

Speaking of someone who knows a good kicking when he see it, Roy Keane and Niall Quinn are going to hold a clear the air talk about Keane’s abrupt departure from Sunderland. No word if the talks are going three or five rounds.

Niall Quinn might need to clear the air with striker Djibril Cisse as he is becoming increasingly annoyed with his contract situation. On loan from Marseille, Cisse is itching to make the move permanent and wants the situation to be resolved sooner rather than later. I understand his pain, in this economy a man wants to know where his hair dye is coming from.

Another man who knows his way around a hair salon, Dean Windass, has claimed that he wasn’t at the pub when Oldham got into a recent brawl on a team bonding session. He dares you to find an overweight Eminem look-alike on any of the pub’s CCTV cameras. Besides, he was too busy trying to find Phil Brown to have fought one of his teammates.

All joking aside, let’s end the column on a positive note, and it’s not John Terry getting back on the horse and practicing penalty kicks again. The Luton U-11s recently beat Bayern München’s squad to take home the Aarau Masters, billed as the most prestigious under-age indoor tournament in the world. At least something good happened for Luton this year.

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