Tag Archive | "Frank Lampard"

Tell Us What You Really Think



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stefaneffenberg

As the old saying goes, opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one. Unlike a**holes, which are only shared on adult websites and magazines (does anyone read porno mags anymore?), footballers opinions make front page headlines around the world.

Stefan Effenberg has been out of football since 2004, but that didn’t stop German newspaper Bild from digging him up for an interview. The former Bayern München player accused David Beckham of being underhanded. It shouldn’t be huge news, but mention the name David Beckham and you’ll make headlines. Maybe he just doesn’t want England to host the 2018 World Cup.

What is it with frustrated Germans today? Recently fired Jurgen Klinsmann is unhappy by the way he was treated by Bayern München. He claims he was made a scapegoat for things he couldn’t control and he could’ve won the Bundesliga if given the chance. Maybe he could have, maybe he couldn’t have; but like a Tootsie-Roll Pop, the world will never know.

Lionel Messi has decided to offer his two cents on the Carlos Tevez saga. The Flea says to sign him up as he’s one of the best in the world. I have to admit it struck me as odd that he didn’t make a plea for him to come to Barcelona. Normally when players talk up their countrymen, they say how great they would be at their club. Just saying.

‘Facts’ Benitez loves to talk about his club’s inability to financially compete with the likes of Manchester United and Chelsea. So I wonder how he can explain his club’s £50m bid for Carlos Tevez. Especially considering he recently said how United can spend £40-50m on a player and he can’t. Rafa, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has decided to stay at the Emirates and turn down the advances of Real Madrid. Considering his massive transfer budget this summer (which must make ‘Facts’ jealous), I have to take my hat off to the man for sticking by his club. Or as he probably knows, if he takes the Madrid position he’ll be out of a job within 3 months. I guess the march in support of the Professor isn’t necessary after all.

I know Newcastle, Sunderland and Middlesbrough won’t be happy to see Manchester United field a reserve team against fellow relegation battlers Hull City this weekend. But I hope to G*d that they won’t actually sue the club if they do. Why is it everyone feels the need to sue when they go down? Can’t they just accept they’re shit? Or maybe, instead of suing somebody, they should use the Hull City method of motivation.

His girl might have left him and his team might have had a disappointing season, but, damn it, this is Frank Lampard’s best season ever—according to him. Maybe instead of Fat Frank, we should start calling him Old Silver Lining.

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Elen’s Still A WAG



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Non-league doesn't mean no game.

Non-league doesn't mean no game.

Elen Rives might have dropped Frank Lampard, but she hasn’t given up on footballers altogether. Lamps’ ex has been seen around town on the arm of non-league Stevenage FC midfielder Lawrie Wilson. The 21-year-old may make about £139,000 a week less than the Chelsea star, but that didn’t stop him from shelling out £545 for a hotel room for Rives and himself. That’s gotta hurt much worse than finishing in third place this season.

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A Football Mash-Up



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keaneviera

Have you ever been to one of those all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants? Those places where they serve everything from deviled eggs to Swedish meatballs to Jello salad? And you only get one plate, so you take your one plate and just load up a mess of completely unrelated dishes until they all blend together in one big pile of food. That’s what today’s news review is: One big buffet pile of random news and strange information. Dig in and enjoy.

In case you haven’t heard, Roy Keane is the new manager of Ipswich Town. Football’s most famous dog walker wasted no time laying out his plans for the club and laying into former teammates. He isn’t too fond of former Republic of Ireland teammate Tony Cascarino in particular.

Yesterday Frank Lampard’s baby mama Elen Rives sounded off on the fat boy, calling him a ‘heartless bastard.’ Well today, Frank got to give his side of the story on BBC Radio. Good to see they’re keeping their break-up private.

In the latest round of Fergie vs. ‘Facts’, Sir Alex responds to Benitez’ claim that he has the better team. Of course if the rumor that Liverpool are in the hunt to sign Carlos Tevez (United’s forgotten man this season) is true, you have to wonder if ‘Facts’ really believes he has the better team.  I’m sure we’ll get our answer at a press conference in a few hours time.

In lighter news, much much lighter news, Rio Ferdinand has become friends with Michael Jackson. Apparently The Strange One called to congratulate Rio on his new website. Maybe it was Rio’s choice of cover girl that piqued Jacko’s interest. Could that mean Michael’s over the little boys and actually likes women? OK, quit laughing now.

I’ve got another joke for you. Actually it’s just a new quote from Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner. The misfiring Dane is ready to take over for the injured Robin van Persie and show his quality. I’ll give you a minute to wipe your eyes.

He should be more like Ryan Babel. After doing nothing at Liverpool for two years Babel has realized it’s either put up or shut up time. It’s heartwarming when a young man can look himself in the mirror and realize he’s crap.

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Lamps Is A Heartless Bastard



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Frank's no good.

Frank's up to no good.

At least that what Frank Lampard’s ex-girlfriend Elen Rives is saying. According to the Daily Mail, she can’t believe he’s already publicly seeing other people. Of course Frank isn’t one to be ashamed.

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Chelsea Change-Up



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Frank gets around.

Frank gets around.

I knew they were close, but this is kind of weird. Following Chelsea’s narrow escape against Liverpool in Tuesday’s Champions League semi-final, John Terry had dinner with Frank Lampard’s ex Elen Rives. Meanwhile, Frank was at a nightclub with his dad and a woman that isn’t new WAG Saskia Boxford. It’s like the Desperate Housewives of Stamford Bridge.

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The Ups And Downs Of Football



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rollercoaster

One day you’re riding high, and the next you’re back to being a bum. Such is life in the world of football. Just ask Rafa Benitez and Jurgen Klinsmann. Leading up to the match, the ‘Fact Man’ was busy telling the press how terrified other teams were of his juggernaut Reds, and then they went out and got embarrassed at home by Chelsea. Meanwhile, Klinsy’s job status—never the most secure in Europe—took as serious hit as they played the Washington Generals to Barcelona’s Globetrotters. Football is a fickle game indeed.

Not only did Chelsea exercise their demons last night at Anfield, according to Frank Lampard, they’re now the team to beat. Not one to get carried away, is he? If you ask John Terry, Liverpool were getting carried away with the dirty tricks they were using to try and get him booked. Fortunately for the Blues, they have ‘supernatural’ Branislav Ivanovic on their side.

I’m not sure exactly what Ivanovic’s powers may be, but I wonder if he had anything to do with bringing Adriano back from the dead.

Spanish relegation battlers Osasuna don’t need help from the dark side, all they need is a little pork. Two weeks ago a local pig breeder offered twelve suckling pigs if they beat fellow bottom feeders Espanyol, which they did 1-0. Then they followed that up with a 4-2 demolishing of Atlético Madrid at the Vicente Calderón—which earned them twelve more delicious piggies. Good news for everyone but Osasuna’s two Muslim players.

In case you really want to know, Kaka doesn’t want to go to England and wishes to stay at AC Milan. Maybe he’ll change his mind when he hears Craig Bellamy’s offer to clean his boots. No word on what other services the Welshman has offered.

Boot cleaning might not be enough to lure Kaka, but it might convince Zenit St. Petersburg striker Pavel Pogrebnyak to move to City. The Russian is keen on a move to England, as long as it’s not Blackburn. Can you really blame him?

It seems Lukas Podolski’s love slap isn’t going completely unpunished. The German police are now involved and investigating the incident. Good to see the German police have nothing better to do. I guess I better get my ‘Free Lukas’ t-shirt ready.

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They’re Back



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poltergeist

Now that the pesky business of qualifying for the big dance has been put on hold for a couple of months, we’re back to league football. But the memories and injuries of the past ten days are still fresh in our minds—and in the sports pages.

One story that has carried on far too long is Frank Lampard’s assertion that today’s younger players are too pampered. And while his cousin Jamie Redknapp agrees with him, PFA chief Gordon Taylor and England U-21 captain Nedum Onuoha most certainly don’t. Can’t we reach a compromise and conclude that everyone who plays football professionally is overly compensated and cleaning a few boots isn’t going to change anything.

In another story that perhaps you might have heard about, Mr. Newcastle, Messiah #2, Alan Shearer is returning to save Newcastle. But like most deities, his stay is only for a short time. That’s not good news for Michael Owen, who said he would definitely stay at the club if the Great One (#2) returned as manager.

Poor Mark Hughes. It seems the only time he or Manchester City make the headlines something bad has happened. And this time isn’t any different. England’s most expensive signing Robinho was injured during Brazil’s 3-0 win over Peru yesterday. I’m sure he’ll probably have to stay in Brazil a little while longer for some beach therapy.

Former Manchester United teammate Steve Bruce can feel his pain. His two Egyptian internationals, Mido and Amr Zaki return to Wigan in full health, but with unhealthy feelings about each other. It seems while away Mido accused Zaki of spreading rumors about him. Hopefully it doesn’t carry over onto the pitch, unlike certain German internationals.

In case anyone cares, ‘Facts’ Benitez was going to quit Liverpool before signing his new contract. But then he got his way and a bag full of money, and he gets to remain comedic fodder for this website.

Just because. Indian conglomerate Tata has denied interest in becoming Manchester United’s shirt sponsor. Maybe they want be splashed across the chest of one of the new Women’s Professional Soccer teams. Seriously folks, I’ll be here all week.

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Jose’s Punch Out



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tyson

F*ck the introduction today. JOSE MOURINHO ALLEGEDLY PUNCHED A MANCHESTER UNITED FAN. REPEAT. JOSE MOURINHO ALLEGEDLY PUNCHED A MANCHESTER UNITED FAN. When I was watching the match yesterday I thought he looked a little disheveled. But apparently that was just the tip of the iceberg. Not only is he not special anymore, he’s a common street brawler.

Surprisingly, there’s other news today.

As much as Thierry Henry tried to kick racism out of football, it seems the campaign just isn’t taking off in the boot shaped land. Didier Drogba has claimed his was racially abused by Juventus supporters during their match in Turin on Tuesday. I normally would make a joke but racism isn’t funny.

Of course racism isn’t limited to Italy, as Everton’s Victor Anichebe can attest. The Toffee striker was looking in a jewelry store window when police mistook him for a jewel thief. They released him after confirming he’s not a thief but just a crappy player. (There’s the joke.)

Now back to those friendly Italians. A minibus carrying a group of Arsenal fans en route to their match against Roma at the Stadio Olimpico was hijacked by a bunch of ultras. One supporter was stabbed, but fortunately was OK. Swift to act UEFA, after threatening to move the Champions League final from Rome if there were any violent episodes in Rome before then, have decided the show will go on as planned. Considering the final will likely feature an English team and the recent history of violence against English teams in Italy the past few years, I’m sure nothing will go wrong.

Speaking of hijacking, a Gulf War hero pilot was fired from his job for breaking anti-terrorist laws by letting a Premiership player ride in the cockpit with him. The real crime is that the player was Robbie Savage.

Sepp Blatter knows all about bureaucracy. The FIFA president, long accused of being anti-English, stated he actually likes English football. He also admitted he enjoys human error, so maybe he just likes everything and everyone.

Another man who enjoys the English is Barcelona manager Pep Guardiola. Instead of facing Porto or Villarreal in the next stage of the Champions League, he wants one of the four remaining English clubs. That’s good news for Frank Lampard, who wants nothing to do with Liverpool in the next round.

It’s also good news for Wayne Rooney. The Manchester United striker would love to face Liverpool in the next round. It appears that he’s less than fond of the Reds.

That’s the news today and remember—JOSE MOURINHO ALLEGEDLY PUNCHED A MANCHESTER UNITED FAN.

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Frank Gets Sent Off



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It's a wrap for Lamps and Elen.

It's a wrap for Lamps and Elen.

It seems that Frank Lampard’s annus horribilis continues. As if the recent turmoil at Stamford Bridge wasn’t bad enough, newspapers in the UK are reporting that the Chelsea star’s longtime partner, Elen Rives, has told him it’s over. I wonder if this picture had anything to do with her decision. After all that’s happened both on and off of the pitch this year, I bet Frank wishes he would have accepted Jose Mourinho’s offer to join him at Inter Milan.

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Insert Joke Here



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Chelsea team bonding?

Lamps and JT doing some team bonding?

John Terry, assessing the recent turmoil at Chelsea said, “The players need to stick together now.” I hope that this isn’t what he means.

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