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So you may be wondering where I’ve been, and the answer is a little place called none-of-your-g*d-damn-business. Actually after giving you so many winners last year, I decided to take a rest from being the best handicapper on the web Natural Hat Trick. So instead of giving you just three money picks, I’m going to give you the result of all eight of today’s matches. Bold I know, but then again I am The Drunk. Let’s hit it. Read the full story

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‘You be good to me, I’ll be good to you…Walk away with victory.’ Al Green sang those lyrics in his classic song ‘Love and Happiness.’ If I didn’t know he was talking about loving his lady, I’d think he’s singing about footballers. How many times do we hear players talk about being happy at their clubs or how they can feel the love from the fans? Then more often than not they take the money and leave.

Alan Shearer is known for his willingness to speak his mind, and he wasn’t shy in sharing his displeasure with Obafemi Martins’ last minute withdrawal for Saurdurday’s match against Stoke. While some are reporting it to be the end of Martins’ career at Newcastle, others are saying it’s no big deal.

Over at Old Trafford, we won’t have to worry about wunderkind Federico Macheda becoming too big for his britches. It seems everyone from captain Gary Neville to backup goalkeeper Ben Foster will make sure he knows his place. And if that doesn’t work, he’s always free to feel the wrath of Fergie. But he’ll have to wait in line as Cristiano Ronaldo is the latest to displease the boss man. And he’s attempting to piss off Porto as well.

While much is being made about the future of Roman Pavlyuchenko at Tottenham, apparently all he has to do to make Harry Redknapp happy is learn English. After seven months in England, the Russian hasn’t learned any English at all. I don’t understand all the fuss, a lack of English hasn’t kept Harry Redknapp from a successful English career.

Looks like Franck Ribery is Barcelona bound. At least that’s according to Bayern München teammate Mark van Bommel. And I’m sure that’s the last we’ll hear about Ribery leaving Bayern this summer. I wonder if Franck’s getting as upset at all the transfer gossip as David Silva?

Good for John Terry. While he might never get over missing that penalty kick in Moscow, he says he and the rest of Chelsea have finally gotten over Jose Mourinho. It’s all about Guus Hiddink at the west London club these days and they want him to stay. And it looks like Mother Guus doesn’t have much choice in the matter.

What would a derby day in Rome be without a little butt slashing? I think those Ultras definitely could use some love and happiness.

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When a massive club from a mammoth league gives up two away goals to a big club from a lesser league, then you know that the next day’s papers will report that the sky is falling and play the blame game.  In case you didn’t notice, that happened in yesterday’s Manchester United v. FC Porto Champions League quarter-final match. Of course there’s other news to report, but it’s not as sexy as a team in crisis. (Remember Arsenal earlier in the year, and Liverpool soon after?)

Let’s jump right into it. Whose fault is it that United wet the bed against Porto? If you ask Sir Alex, it’s his fault. Edwin van der Sar blames the leaky defense. Darren Fletcher takes a different path and actually gives Porto credit for playing a good game. So obviously it must be all his fault.

Former crisis club, now best in the world, Liverpool could lose goal scoring machine Fernando Torres to Italy or, gasp, Germany. Not one to let anything go unremarked upon, ‘Facts’ Benitez is holding a press conference about it. Just kidding, but don’t be surprised if he does.

Remember Chelsea? Just last year they playned in the Champions League final and are currently just four points behind league leaders Manchester United. It seems nobody else does, considering the coverage Liverpool and United have been receiving this year. It might actually be a good thing, since captain John Terry revealed that he used to be scared of Anfield, but he’s not anymore. He’s also not scared of the boogie man or the monster in his closet anymore as well. Maybe he needs another pep talk from Avram Grant to help him out. Or just Jose Mourinho back.

Did Manchester City’s ear just perk up? It seems Kaka hasn’t completely ruled out a move to England. Which, of course, means he must be going to City?

In lesser, but more curious transfer news, Villarreal is reportedly interested in non-goal machine Bobby Zamora. If I were Jozy Altidore I would be so pissed right now considering in his last two matches he’s scored as many goals as Fulham’s non-striker has all season.

And in much lesser news, David Beckham’s AC Milan teammate Christian ‘Bobo’ Vieri wants to join him and play for the LA Galaxy.  And they said Becks isn’t helping MLS grow.

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After another week of winners takes my overall record to seven and two, I hope that everyone knows by now that The Drunk is no fluke. In fact, I am the Special One of picks. And since this is the first leg of the knockout stage of the Champions League, I hope that those of you not on the bandwagon get over yourselves and realize I’m putting money in your pocket. I am a one man bailout. Now excuse me while I look for a black coat and scarf to complete my Special ensemble.

Let’s just get it out of the way–Atlético Madrid vs. FC Porto. You don’t care, I don’t care. Neither one is winning this competition. But there will be some talent on the pitch and neither plays great defense, so there should at least be some goals.
The pick: The Other Madrid 2 – Portuguese Punters 1

In the easiest match to pick, Barcelona is going to beat Lyon. Both are top of their respective leagues by a good margin and both have been resting players. The difference is that one squad is among the best in the world, while the other is the best in France. And Barca shouldn’t be too happy after losing to their bottom-feeding rivals Espanyol this weekend.
The pick: Pep’s Powerhouse 3 – The Best Team in France (woo-hoo) 0

Arsenal hosts Roma in a battle of teams whose seasons haven’t gone as planned. And just like their seasons, this game is a case of good news/bad news. For the Gunners, the good news is that they’re unbeaten in their last 25 European home games; the bad news is that all of their good players are injured. Totti returns for i Giallorossi, which is always good news for Roma, the bad is that they have lost their last five visits to England.
The pick: Nil, nil to the Arsenal

In case you been in a coma and haven’t noticed, Inter Milan is hosting Manchester United. Every news media outlet has played and replayed every quote, stat and nugget of ‘useful’ expert analysis so many times that I don’t have to bore you with them. Look, it’s really the only game anyone is going to really watch today.
The pick:  Men from Manchester 1 – The Milan Team Beckham Doesn’t Play For 0