Tag Archive | "Cristiano Ronaldo"

Don’t Quit Your Day Job



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Cristiano Ronaldo sings for his supper (and a few million euro, I’m sure) in a commercial for Portuguese bank Banco Espírito Santo. We always knew his musical tastes were a bit dodgy, and the ad proves that his vocal skills aren’t that great either. Enjoy and cover your pets ears.

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Fun Facts About Fabio (And Other Newsy Stuff)



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fabiofinger

I’ve been known to read a Cosmo or two in my day, and I thought other men did likewise, but who knew so many men read ladies’ magazines? The reason I bring this up is that Fabio Capello’s interview in the latest Italian Marie Claire is the biggest news story going. And why exactly is a man who coaches football getting interviewed in a women’s fashion magazine? Maybe he was talking about his swimwear.

In this apparently wide-ranging interview, Capello tells us he would have been an airplane pilot had he not been in football, his wife has a crush on David Beckham and Real Madrid overpaid for Cristiano Ronaldo. I’m sure Italian women were dying to know all of these fascinating things.

Speaking of the ‘overpriced’ Portugueser, Ronaldo says his blistering start for Madrid is due to keeping a low profile. I guess that’s true, I haven’t heard an ex-prostitute talk about his sexual prowess for days now.

It would be best for South African criminals to keep a low profile during the World Cup. New police commissioner, Bheki Cele, wants to enact a shoot-first-ask-questions-later policy during the tournament. Unfinished stadiums, kidnappers and trigger happy cops, yup, it looks like that’s gonna be one hell of a World Cup to attend.

It looks like UEFA president Michel Platini is serious about forcing clubs to balance their books. The French legend has brought in former Prime Minister of Belgium, Jean-Luc Dehaene, to be the chairman of the new Club Financial Control Panel. This can’t be particularly good news for English clubs, who have the fifth-highest losses amongst clubs in England.

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A Bolt Of Lightning Everywhere



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usainbolt

Well it’s the last day of the international break and let’s hope our favorite players don’t get Tevezed before they return to their clubs. While club football may have been on a break, conspiracy theories and over-inflated egos didn’t. Nor did we take a break (don’t forget to follow us on Twitter.)

The world’s fastest man and, apparently, the world’s number one celebrity football supporter, Usain Bolt, will be a guest of the English FA as England take on Croatia in a World Cup qualifier. Not that long after palling around with best mate Cristiano Ronaldo in Madrid last week, he’ll be at Wembley rooting on England. The Jamaican sprinter is such an England fan he even used the word ‘we’ when talking about today’s match.

He may not be as fast of foot as Bolt, but Didier Drogba is quick to pat himself on the back. The former want away striker, who has now declared himself Chelsea-for-life, claims that he’s an unselfish player who doesn’t, ‘look at my scoring statistics.’ I agree with him. The way he got himself red carded during the 2008 Champions League final so that John Terry could be forced to take a penalty was definitely soulless selfless.

Another man who doesn’t mind taking one for the team is Manchester United midfielder and Scottish captain Darren Fletcher. The hard-nosed player has encouraged his teammates to question their opposite number if they’re ‘up for a battle?’ He also goes on to say he’ll be ‘in your face and kicking at your ankles.’ I’m sure those are comforting words for Arsene Wenger after he questioned Fletcher‘s role on the pitch during the last Manchester United v. Arsenal match.

Wenger’s problems with the Scottish aren’t restricted to the playing field. He blames the Eduardo diving suspension on, ‘Scottish people working at UEFA.’ David Gold, former chief executive of the Scottish FA and current UEFA general secretary, has come out and explained that, ‘It’s not all pals together’ at UEFA. No word if he was having a glass of red wine with Sir Alex Ferguson at the time of the statement.

Old pal Juande Ramos has been tipped for a return to football. After resurrecting his reputation at Real Madrid after his Tottenham debacle, the Spaniard is rumored to replace Leonardo at AC Milan. Like Martin Jol (now at Ajax after a successful stint at Hamburg), Ramos is finding that being fired from White Hart Lane might be the best thing to happen to a manager.

And let’s end on a truly joyous note (for once). Liverpool fan Michael Shields, who was incarcerated four years for a crime he didn’t commit after Liverpool’s Champions League victory in Turkey in 2005, has been released from prison today. Congratulations Michael.

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To The Professionals



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theprofessionals

I have to say that this season football journalists are up and ready to go. First we had the Eduardo dive saga that dominated the headlines for the better part of two weeks and now we have ‘Kiddygate.’ It seems every club who’s lost a teenager to a larger club is lodging a complaint and the papers can’t get enough. I have to say I’m impressed by the willingness of some news outlets to over report on certain topics. I’m especially impressed by some hardworking papers who will report on things that haven’t yet happened. So this article is dedicated to the professionals.

Two professionals who may not be appearing at next summer’s World Cup are current and soon-to-be named FIFA Players of the Year Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. While this may take the luster out of the tournament for some, it won’t bother John Terry at all. The Chelsea and English captain would actually prefer it. I guess JT doesn’t believe in wanting to test yourself against the best. There’s that fighting English spirit.

One man who doesn’t mind facing the best—since he is the best—is Bjorn Helge Riise. Fulham’s latest signing and John Arne’s younger brother doesn’t lack for confidence. In an interview with Norwegian magazine Avisenes Nyhetsbyra (my personal favorite) he declared that his teammates haven’t ‘done well’ and he’s ‘better than Damien Duff.’ That should endear him to his new teammates. But wait a minute…Bjorn has come out and claimed he was misquoted. Ah, saved by the misquote. Now that’s a journalist who wasn’t working hard enough.

David Beckham—who knows a thing or two about hard-working journalists—has come to the defense of diving poster child Eduardo. He claims enough is enough and to ‘lay off’ the boy. Becks is so behind the times; doesn’t he know we’ve moved on to ‘Kiddygate?’

We now know why Bacary Sagna has those stupid bleached braids of his. He scored them by losing winning a bet with his father. It seems Papa Sagna was smart enough to be against the braids in the first place, but made a bet the boy could win. Of course this all happened about eight years ago when he was a teenager. You think he would be out of the rebellious stage by now.

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Ronaldo Knows Cars



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In his latest advertisement for Castrol Edge Oil, Cristiano Ronaldo explains the importance of vehicle maintenance. When watching the ad, don’t you think the defenders should have used the tunnel defense to slow down the high-performing Portugueser?

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Over The Top



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Following Real Madrid’s 3-2 victory over Deportivo La Coruna Saturday, new best friends Cristiano Ronaldo and Usain Bolt engaged in some arm wrestling, ‘lightening bolt’ posing, and mutual ego stroking.

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Ronaldo On Gossip Girl?



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Cristiano Ronaldo’s serial womanizing is becoming so legendary that his name is even being dropped on teenage girl television. This clip from the show Gossip Girl proves that even if American girls don’t follow football they do follow beefcake.

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Ronaldo Upgrades



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ronaldospainhome

'La Finca' is a stinka.

Looks like Cristiano Ronaldo has put the £220,000 a week Real Madrid is paying to not so good use. The £80m man has splashed out a reported £8m for the hideous 36-room mansion–called ‘La Finca’–that resembles an elementary school. While not pleasing to my eye, the extra space should ensure that his many female conquests won’t have to run into each other on the way to the bathroom at night. Meanwhile, back in England, new Manchester City mercenary Emmanuel Adebayor bought Ronaldo’s old house for £5.5m—which is £1.65m more than the Petulant Portugueser paid just last February. Adebayor beat out fellow money-chasers teammates Kolo Toure, Gareth Barry and Carlos Tevez for the right to find Ronaldo’s old Speedos in the closet. Now who says there’s a housing crisis?

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Ronaldo Takes Oasis Over The Beatles



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'Champagne Supernova' makes him weak in the knees.

'Champagne Supernova' makes him weak in the knees.

He may have done all he could to move from Manchester United to Real Madrid, but Cristiano Ronaldo is still at ‘Manc’ at heart. Taking a swipe at former rivals Liverpool, the Portuguese pretty boy claims that Manchester’s Oasis are a better band than that little group from Liverpool known as The Beatles. While most of us know that’s as off-base as some of his fashion choices, you have to respect his loyalty. Maybe he will return to Old Trafford one day.

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Rovers Hang Tough



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Watch Real Madrid’s ‘other’ signing, Karim Benzema, do what Real Madrid’s most expensive galáctico couldn’t—score against Shamrock Rovers. But not that anyone else did as the Irish side gave Madrid all they could handle. Unlike some other teams we’ve seen this pre-season.

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