Tag Archive | "Bundesliga"

Place Your Bets



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bettingwindow

Thank G*d! After weeks of the new season being dominated by the various ‘Gates’, we’ve got stories of all varieties today. People leaving, people throwing tantrums and some people’s deity status in decline. It’s like a great episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta or at least Real Housewives of Orange County.

Let’s start in Argentina where the national team and its legendary coach Diego Maradona are in more than crisis mode. Juan Sebastian Veron, he of the red card in last Wednesday’s loss to Paraguay, has sounded off against Maradona, blaming him for Argentina’s struggles. Meanwhile, it seems the stress is getting to the 1986 World Cup hero, reports have Maradona checking into a weight loss clinic in Italy. Why do I get the feeling that Maradona won’t be in charge of the Albicelestes for the last two qualifying matches?

Don’t expect Liverpool to go all Manchester City with their newfound shirt sponsor riches (surprising, eh?). Owner Tom Hicks claims that, financially, ‘they have never been stronger.’ He also calls City’s method of operation unsustainable. That might be true if they weren’t backed by an oil sheik, and I don’t see him running out of money any time soon. Unless, of course, everyone starts driving solar cars in the next ten years (sound of muffled laughter).

In other Liverpool news, UK betting house Paddy Power has scrapped a plan to place odds on which Reds’ house will be broken into next. Just in case you care (and I know you do), Jamie Carragher, Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres were the favorites at 12/1 odds.

It looks like Hull City’s in serious financial trouble. And it not just the cost of Phil Brown’s spray-on tan that’s to blame. Of course the club denies it. But we did see chairman Paul Duffen slipping into a Paddy Power and placing ten grand on Steven Gerrard.

On the subject of betting, German betting site mybet.de has released its Bundesliga managerial hot seat oddsFIVE WEEKS INTO THE SEASON! It wouldn’t be so sad and funny if two managers haven’t already left their clubs. Talk about results now.

I was beginning to think he had mellowed since moving to Italy, but Jose Mourinho is back (unfortunately Special 1 TV isn’t). The Special One has told England national team manager Fabio Capello he ‘knows nothing about football.’ If only we could see them fight it out in puppet form.

Let’s give the Harraby Athletic under-14 squad a big round of applause. The youngsters beat the Edenvale Hawks 3-2 to put an end to a small 90 game losing streak they’ve been on. No word if Alan Pardew was managing the club during the streak.

In some other feel good news, 24-year-old Danish footballer Christian Nielsen has quit football to travel the world and work in an orphanage. The life change came after witnessing teammate Jonathan Richter struck by lightning during a match in July. I wish him luck for such a bold move.

It’s Dr. Paul Morris, of the University of Portsmouth, to the rescue. The good doctor is an expert on the embodiment of emotions and intentions and claims to know when a foul is a foul and a dive is a dive. He calls the number one tell the ‘Archer’s Bow.’ Well now that that’s been settled, I’m sure we won’t see another dive in a competitive match.

And yes, we will end with the latest coming out of ‘Manu-Gate.’ Arsene Wenger continues to rip Mark Hughes for defending Adebayor. I find this hilarious considering the Frenchman has been known to vigorously defend his own players, sometimes even going as far as claiming temporary blindness.

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The Drunk’s Back With Winners



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You can bet your balls that the Drunk's got picks.

You can bet your balls that the Drunk's got picks.

So you may be wondering where I’ve been, and the answer is a little place called none-of-your-g*d-damn-business. Actually after giving you so many winners last year, I decided to take a rest from being the best handicapper on the web Natural Hat Trick. So instead of giving you just three money picks, I’m going to give you the result of all eight of today’s matches. Bold I know, but then again I am The Drunk. Let’s hit it. Read the full story

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It’s All About The Beard



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Goal scoring, so easy even a caveman can do it.

Goal scoring, so easy even a caveman can do it.

New Bayer Leverkusen striker Stefan Kiessling has scored five goals in five matches this season and attributes his blistering form to his new near-beard. The formerly baby-faced player started growing the wispy brush before the season and vows to keep it until he stops scoring. If he scores this weekend against Werder Bremen he will be the first Bundesliga player to score six in six. All hail the near-beard.

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Who Lifts The Best Cup?



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The European season’s over and the trophies have been awarded, but I wondered which one of the ‘top five’ leagues had the best trophy presentation. Watch all five below and let  me know what you think.

Vfl Wolfsburg is unquestionably the most shocking league champion of the season. The little club from the town famous for making Volkswagens, won their first ever Bundesliga title on the last day of the season. While I think the Bundesliga trophy is a little goofy looking, I did like the presentation ceremony.  Rating: 4 Stars

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Tell Us What You Really Think



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stefaneffenberg

As the old saying goes, opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one. Unlike a**holes, which are only shared on adult websites and magazines (does anyone read porno mags anymore?), footballers opinions make front page headlines around the world.

Stefan Effenberg has been out of football since 2004, but that didn’t stop German newspaper Bild from digging him up for an interview. The former Bayern München player accused David Beckham of being underhanded. It shouldn’t be huge news, but mention the name David Beckham and you’ll make headlines. Maybe he just doesn’t want England to host the 2018 World Cup.

What is it with frustrated Germans today? Recently fired Jurgen Klinsmann is unhappy by the way he was treated by Bayern München. He claims he was made a scapegoat for things he couldn’t control and he could’ve won the Bundesliga if given the chance. Maybe he could have, maybe he couldn’t have; but like a Tootsie-Roll Pop, the world will never know.

Lionel Messi has decided to offer his two cents on the Carlos Tevez saga. The Flea says to sign him up as he’s one of the best in the world. I have to admit it struck me as odd that he didn’t make a plea for him to come to Barcelona. Normally when players talk up their countrymen, they say how great they would be at their club. Just saying.

‘Facts’ Benitez loves to talk about his club’s inability to financially compete with the likes of Manchester United and Chelsea. So I wonder how he can explain his club’s £50m bid for Carlos Tevez. Especially considering he recently said how United can spend £40-50m on a player and he can’t. Rafa, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has decided to stay at the Emirates and turn down the advances of Real Madrid. Considering his massive transfer budget this summer (which must make ‘Facts’ jealous), I have to take my hat off to the man for sticking by his club. Or as he probably knows, if he takes the Madrid position he’ll be out of a job within 3 months. I guess the march in support of the Professor isn’t necessary after all.

I know Newcastle, Sunderland and Middlesbrough won’t be happy to see Manchester United field a reserve team against fellow relegation battlers Hull City this weekend. But I hope to G*d that they won’t actually sue the club if they do. Why is it everyone feels the need to sue when they go down? Can’t they just accept they’re shit? Or maybe, instead of suing somebody, they should use the Hull City method of motivation.

His girl might have left him and his team might have had a disappointing season, but, damn it, this is Frank Lampard’s best season ever—according to him. Maybe instead of Fat Frank, we should start calling him Old Silver Lining.

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Class Is In Session



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classroom

Class is a relative phrase when it comes to footballers. For some we speak of their class on the pitch, for others we speak about their lack of it in society. We also say how some clubs aren’t in the same class as others. So it should come as no surprise that today’s news is filled with talk about it. Pepe losing his gourd in yesterday’s Real Madrid vs. Getafe match—in a class of its own.

No one can dispute that Paul Scholes is pure class on the pitch, and he should be congratulated on reaching 600 appearances with Manchester United. But United legend Sir Bobby Charlton perhaps goes a little too far when he says that Scholes is the greatest Red Devil of all time.

While Scholes may have class in abundance, Fernando Torres doesn’t rate Manchester United in the same league as Barcelona, and feels they have ‘much more quality’ than United. He should know what he’s talking about, considering he plays with the likes of Dirk Kuyt and Lucas week in and week out.

Speaking of class (hey it’s the column topic), Andrei Arshavin’s four goal performance against Liverpool yesterday was full of it. And so was Arsene Wenger when he called the Russian one of the ‘great’ players of the era. He also managed to work in an extra jibe at the Wembley pitch as well. What a crafty guy that Wenger.

Michael Owen is a man who isn’t a stranger to receiving undeserved plaudits. He hasn’t scored this year, but that isn’t stopping Alan Shearer and Iain Dowie from counting on him to save Newcastle from relegation. If that’s their plan to save the club from the disaster of going down to the Championship, get ready for Swansea City Toon Army.

Stay classy Luca Toni. The season isn’t over and Bayern München still has a chance to win the Bundesliga, but he’s already stated his preference for next season’s manager. But what do you expect from a guy whose website looks like this.

Confusing and controversial Jose Mourinho says that the insults aimed at his Inter Milan teenage star Mario Balotelli by Juventus supporters last weekend weren’t racist. He claims they were just ‘ignorant.’ I didn’t know that there was intelligent racism. I learn something new every day.

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Nives Loves A Six Pack



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nivesfence

Nives knows what she likes. And it isn't me.

Bild’s (and our) favorite WAG columnist is back. This scintillating piece focuses on the Bundesliga’s best abs. So now we know that she enjoys good-looking assholes with six packs. Good to know that she’s not shallow.

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Power of the Ponytail, Part II



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Another week. Another ponytail.

Another week. Another ponytail.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. When we started the Golden Comb, it was meant to be open to all kinds of hairstyles. But for the second week in a row, the power of the ponytail lives. This week’s winner is Andrey Voronin of Hertha Berlin. Andrey fired his team to the top of the Bundesliga for the first time since October 2006 with a brace against German giants Bayern München. Voronin, who’s on loan from Liverpool, previously stated his desire to return to Anfield. But after seeing what it’s like to be an integral part of a team at the top of the table, Andrey may soon be singing a different tune.

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Setting Their Sights High



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She's not afraid of heights.

She's not afraid of heights.

The Balkan Beckham’s are at it again. They first came to our attention when sexy Nives Celsius announced that she and husband, Dino Drpic, had sex in the center circle of Dinamo Zagreb’s stadium. She also teased us by mentioning there was a tape of the occasion. Now playing for Karlsruher SC of the Bundesliga, Dino made further news by requesting to wear number 69. Unfortunately, the league didn’t find his request as funny as the rest of us and will not allow him to wear the number. Maybe he’ll get his wishes granted and score a dream move to Real Madrid. Apparently, he’s always wanted to play there, and his wife has always wanted to have sex on the roof of the Bernabeu. I can’t wait to see what they come up with next.

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The Drunk’s Picks aka Winners



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shirts

Gambling is as much a part of sports as drinking. I wouldn’t be The Drunk if I didn’t drain (I mean, sip responsibly) a bottle of Jameson now again, and I also wouldn’t be The Drunk if I didn’t gamble. So, for those of you who enjoy legal wagering or making non-monetary bets with friends, I am going to provide you with three picks a week. I call them my Winners of the Week.

We’re going to start in the Bundesliga. Saturday, Schalke 04 host their rivals Werder Bremen in a battle of two teams whose seasons have gone down the shitter. Both were pre-season favorites who now find themselves stuck in mid-table mediocrity. Bremen is missing leading goal scorer Claudio Pizzaro and midfield maestro Diego.
The pick: These Krauts (Schalke 04) 2 – Those Krauts (Werder Bremen) 1

Next up is Manchester City hosting Middlesboro. Boro is in serious trouble, and that’s putting it lightly. Gareth Southgate has been given the dreaded vote of confidence, players are unsettled, and fans actually want Stevie Mac back. Wait, that’s not trouble, that’s purgatory. City looks like a model of stability compared to that lot, and has enough talent to make Southgate’s seat a little hotter.
The Pick: The Raping Robinho’s 1 – Southgate’s Strugglers 0

And finally, we go to the north Moscow, er, London derby. While not making much noise on the pitch, these two clubs have dominated the transfer window headlines. Now that Arsenal has gotten their Russian, and all wayward Spurs have returned home, this should prove to be as exciting as their last meeting – and leave both managers with something to complain about.
The Pick: Arsene’s Teenage Fanclub 2 – Harry’s Happy Family Reunion 2

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