On a day we should be excited that the Champions League group stage is underway, the news is still dominated by ‘Manu-Gate.’ Have people become overly sensitive? I’m not saying that he shouldn’t be punished for stomping on Robin Van Persie’s head, but people act like it’s the first time a player wildly celebrated after scoring against his former team. Now we have Richard Scudamore, the Premier League chief executive, claiming that Adebayor has damaged the League’s image. Are you f*cking kidding me? I’m sure people will stop watching because one player got a little over-exuberant. If that’s the case, I’m surprised the Champions League is being played after Chelsea’s actions in their semi-final loss to Barcelona in the last competition. And now, for some reason, Middlesbrough manager Gareth Southgate is getting involved and defending the Manchester City striker. Why is he involved? Who asked him? Can’t we just suspend him his three games and get on with it?

As we discussed last week, this young season has been full of controversy. First, we had ‘Eduardo-gate’ (now resolved), then ‘Kiddie-gate’, and now ‘Manu-gate’. Yes, I am over-using the ‘Gate’ thing, but can you over-do something that’s so overdone? And if you can, I don’t care, adding ‘Gate’ to things is fun to me.

In case you didn’t notice this weekend, ex-Arsenal and current Manchester City ‘star’ Emmanuel Adebayor took on his former team. And let’s just say that he had a full game. He scored a goal, kicked ex-teammate Robin Van Persie in the face and taunted the Arsenal fans with his goal celebration. And for all of this, he’s facing some serious suspensions. This story has it all, Adebayor is confused by all of the furor over his actions, manager Mark Hughes defends his player’s actions, Van Persie doesn’t accept Manu’s apology and even Roy Keane has given his two cents. La Liga might have the world’s top players, but the BPL has all of the drama. F*ck the new Melrose Place, this is must see TV.

In non-face stomping Arsenal news, Andrei Arshavin has put a gag order on his wife’s loose lips. Just thought you’d like to know.

Good news for Liverpool fans. After reporting on Liverpool ending their sponsorship agreement with Carlsberg, the club has reached an agreement with Standard Chartered Bank for an astounding £80m for four years. Word is the deal will enable the club to build their long rumored new stadium and even buy a player or two. Why do I think neither of these things will happen? Oh, right because it’s the Hicks and Gillett run Liverpool.

Roman Abromovich isn’t one known to be shy to splash the cash, but apparently all the money in the world won’t help you tackle Mount Kilimanjaro. After reportedly suffering from altitude related sickness, Chelsea has released a statement refuting that. Why they felt the need to do so, I have no idea. But in a world of 24-hour news coverage, ‘Altitude-gate’ is a story.

In some more money-related news, English clubs have pocketed nearly twice as much Champions League money as Spanish sides over the past six seasons. In fact England’s ‘Big Four’ hold the top four places among all Champions League clubs. Now those are some figures to make one dizzy, and then distribute a press release saying that you weren’t.

Now that Manchester United has secured the richest shirt sponsorship known to mankind, we thought that we would give you the most lucrative shirt sponsorships in the world. There aren’t many surprises, but we thought it was interesting nonetheless.

Second on the rich list is recent title holder, Bayern München.  They receive £17m a year from telecom giant T-Home, but apparently it’s still not enough to keep Franck Ribery.

Next up is Spanish runners-up Real Madrid. They’re deal is with Bwin. The Austrian-based gaming company shells out £15m a year for the right to be shown during a Champions League quarter-final loss.

Bwin is also the shirt sponsor of AC Milan. But the company apparently thinks their shirts aren’t worth as much as Madrid’s and only pays Milan £10.22m. Of course if David Beckham plays all of next season, who knows how much more Milan could squeeze out of them.

Lord knows they don’t need the money, but Chelsea is next on the list with a £10m deal with Korean electronics giant Samsung. If any club should donate their shirt space to charity, don’t you think it should be Chelsea?

Who knows why or how it happened but next on the rich list is Schalke 04. Finishing in eight-place in the Bundesliga this year isn’t stopping them from making £10m from Russian natural gas company Gazprom.

It’s a fact that Liverpool collects £8m from long time sponsor Carlsberg. Yet another reason why, I’m sure Rafa Benitez will tell you, that Liverpool can’t monetarily compete with the other ‘big four’ of the BPL.

Another team that doesn’t need the sponsorship money, Manchester City, just signed an £8m deal with Abu Dhabi-based airline Etihad. I’m sure their billionaire sheik owner had nothing to do with this deal.

And finally, a shout out to newly crowned European champions Barcelona. Not only does the club wear children’s charity UNICEF on their chest, they pay UNICEF £1.5m a year to do so. Now that’s a fantastic shirt deal.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And today’s headlines show how true that statement is. By the way I find Megan Fox very hot, and now she’s just become even hotter to me. Anyone have her number? I mean if Brian Austin Green is hitting it, why not me?

While Arsenal supporters may be blowing up the message boards demanding change, Arsene Wenger should be happy to know that chairman Ivan Gazidis is pleased with the job he’s been doing. He also believes that they’re headed in the right direction. If that direction is down the tables, then they’re definitely going the right way.

In other delusional news, Sam Allardyce is trying to lure Barcelona wunderkind Bojan Krkic to Blackburn. I’m sure leaving sunny Spain and free flowing football for dreary Blackburn and Big Sam’s longball tactics is sure to appeal to the teenager.

It seems Cristiano Ronaldo’s actions this weekend weren’t too appealing to some of Manchester United’s veteran players. It’s also been said that his leaving so soon after the match was out of embarrassment and not to catch a plane to Madrid.

Cheers to FC United. The club, which was founded by Manchester United fans in protest over the Glazer family takeover of the club, is offering a ‘your season ticket, your choice’ policy for next season. While I would like it to work out for them, ask Radiohead how much money they made on ‘In Rainbows.’

Farewell Steve Coppell. After failing to guide Reading back to the BPL this season, he’s resigned as manager. While his players aren’t going to be playing in the top flight next season, I have a sneaking suspicion we might be seeing Mr. Coppell there.

While it’s no secret that players often overestimate their skills and mangers build up their teams a little too much, today’s headlines are overflowing with self-confidence. Maybe it’s the start of the knockout phase of the Champions League that has clouded the thoughts of some, or for others, it could be the disappointment of a season gown awry. Whatever the reasons, today’s headlines are full of bluster. It’s good to be confident, but some of these people are just plain delusional.

Apparently, making a string of goalkeeping blunders and being dropped to number two hasn’t dampened Heurelho Gomes’ confidence. The bumbling Brazilian says that he isn’t concerned about Spurs purchasing Carlo Cudicini and that Harry Redknapp must play him or let him go. The former seeming to be the way Harry was leaning in the first place.

On the other side of London, Petr Cech sees no divisions in the Chelsea dressing room. Apparently the numerous media reports of players ripping ex-coach Phil Scolari and the indifferent form on the pitch were the rest of us just seeing things. Or, maybe, he was pointing out that the entire team was united against Big Phil. Stay tuned for clarification.

Rafa’s back at it. On the heels of Sunday’s 1-1 draw against Manchester City, Benitez has declared that Liverpool’s title chances aren’t over. In other news that proves the jellybean has lost the plot, he also apparently turned down a fourth draft of his contract. He must be banking on the fact that another BPL title collapse and decent Champions League run will prove how invaluable he really his.

No one’s ever accused Jose Mourinho of undervaluing himself. While we all give him credit for leading Chelsea to back-to-back BPL trophies, apparently his most impressive job was turning Manchester United around. And people are impressed by Guus Hiddink coaching two teams at once.

The Special One’s counterpart in Tuesday night’s Champions League showdown, Alex Ferguson, is another manager who isn’t afraid to speak his mind. While United may be facing Inter Milan, Fergie has offered his take on Real Madrid. Claiming that Madrid lack pace and are too slow to win the Champions League, Sir Alex just can’t seem to resist a dig at his least favorite club in the world. In other news, Fergie seems to have some other tricks up his sleeve.

We end today’s column with a rare moment of honesty from Mr. Paranoia himself, Arsene Wenger. On the heels of this weekend’s 0-0 home draw against Sunderland, Wenger admitted that his team is a little nervous. Of course that rare moment of introspection was brief at best as he accused Ricky Sbragia’s side of ‘not playing football.’ Well, you just have to take those moments of honesty from the floundering Frenchman when the chance presents itself.