Sven Goren Eriksson’s Notts County revolution has taken a hit as Sol Campbell has decided to leave the club—after only one match. No reason has been given for Sol’s departure, but maybe the fourth division reminded him too much of playing for Portsmouth.

Unfortunately, allegations of racism have tarnished the third round of the Carling Cup. Blackpool’s Jason Euell was the victim of verbal abuse while El-Hadji Diouf, now of Blackburn, claims to have had bananas tossed at him. Unlike Euell, nobody believes Diouf…hmm, I wonder why.

Avram Grant is back…well sort of. The former Chelsea manager has agreed to a coaching role in the remote Russian republic of Komi. What a fall from grace for a man who was one John Terry missed penalty from winning the Champions League. Football really is a fickle bitch.

On the subject of remote coaching outposts, Bryan Robson has agreed to coach the Thai national team. He replaces another Englishman, Peter Reid. The English might not rate their own managers, but apparently they’re more than good enough for Thailand.

You might remember Joe Cole. Plays for Chelsea, had a great goal in the 2006 World Cup, and has been injured for the past two seasons. Well he’s recovered and he’s ready to be the point in Chelsea’s new diamond formation, or what Joe refers to as the ‘sausage roll’ position. Seriously folks, he’ll be here all week.

And in economic news, season ticket sales are down in Italy. And no club has been hit harder than AC Milan. Looks like an aging Ronaldinho isn’t as big of a draw as fan favorite Kaka. And to add insult to injury, no one has sold more season tickets than cross town rivals Inter Milan. Ouch, that’s got to hurt.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And today’s headlines show how true that statement is. By the way I find Megan Fox very hot, and now she’s just become even hotter to me. Anyone have her number? I mean if Brian Austin Green is hitting it, why not me?

While Arsenal supporters may be blowing up the message boards demanding change, Arsene Wenger should be happy to know that chairman Ivan Gazidis is pleased with the job he’s been doing. He also believes that they’re headed in the right direction. If that direction is down the tables, then they’re definitely going the right way.

In other delusional news, Sam Allardyce is trying to lure Barcelona wunderkind Bojan Krkic to Blackburn. I’m sure leaving sunny Spain and free flowing football for dreary Blackburn and Big Sam’s longball tactics is sure to appeal to the teenager.

It seems Cristiano Ronaldo’s actions this weekend weren’t too appealing to some of Manchester United’s veteran players. It’s also been said that his leaving so soon after the match was out of embarrassment and not to catch a plane to Madrid.

Cheers to FC United. The club, which was founded by Manchester United fans in protest over the Glazer family takeover of the club, is offering a ‘your season ticket, your choice’ policy for next season. While I would like it to work out for them, ask Radiohead how much money they made on ‘In Rainbows.’

Farewell Steve Coppell. After failing to guide Reading back to the BPL this season, he’s resigned as manager. While his players aren’t going to be playing in the top flight next season, I have a sneaking suspicion we might be seeing Mr. Coppell there.

One day you’re riding high, and the next you’re back to being a bum. Such is life in the world of football. Just ask Rafa Benitez and Jurgen Klinsmann. Leading up to the match, the ‘Fact Man’ was busy telling the press how terrified other teams were of his juggernaut Reds, and then they went out and got embarrassed at home by Chelsea. Meanwhile, Klinsy’s job status—never the most secure in Europe—took as serious hit as they played the Washington Generals to Barcelona’s Globetrotters. Football is a fickle game indeed.

Not only did Chelsea exercise their demons last night at Anfield, according to Frank Lampard, they’re now the team to beat. Not one to get carried away, is he? If you ask John Terry, Liverpool were getting carried away with the dirty tricks they were using to try and get him booked. Fortunately for the Blues, they have ‘supernatural’ Branislav Ivanovic on their side.

I’m not sure exactly what Ivanovic’s powers may be, but I wonder if he had anything to do with bringing Adriano back from the dead.

Spanish relegation battlers Osasuna don’t need help from the dark side, all they need is a little pork. Two weeks ago a local pig breeder offered twelve suckling pigs if they beat fellow bottom feeders Espanyol, which they did 1-0. Then they followed that up with a 4-2 demolishing of Atlético Madrid at the Vicente Calderón—which earned them twelve more delicious piggies. Good news for everyone but Osasuna’s two Muslim players.

In case you really want to know, Kaka doesn’t want to go to England and wishes to stay at AC Milan. Maybe he’ll change his mind when he hears Craig Bellamy’s offer to clean his boots. No word on what other services the Welshman has offered.

Boot cleaning might not be enough to lure Kaka, but it might convince Zenit St. Petersburg striker Pavel Pogrebnyak to move to City. The Russian is keen on a move to England, as long as it’s not Blackburn. Can you really blame him?

It seems Lukas Podolski’s love slap isn’t going completely unpunished. The German police are now involved and investigating the incident. Good to see the German police have nothing better to do. I guess I better get my ‘Free Lukas’ t-shirt ready.

Momentum. The Big MO. Whatever you call it; it’s apparently what you want on your side at this time of year. Or at least that what it seems as one peruses today’s newspapers after the seismic (at least in the Northwest of England) events that took place this weekend.

In case you were locked up all weekend or didn’t care to notice, Liverpool is only one point behind Manchester United in the BPL title race. And of course all the talk is how Liverpool now has the momentum and Manchester United are losing steam. And the theories abound as to how this happened. Some are interesting, and some are just plain ridiculous. But I do love it when an unpredictable title race forces the same predictable quotes that we football fans have become used to.

Makes me wonder where have you gone Jose Mourinho? In times like these we need a quote machine like you. Oh, I forgot, you’re busy winning the Scudetto with Inter Milan and infuriating your fellow managers. Even though you say that you’re staying in Italy next season, I don’t think anyone believes you.

Aston Villa, everyone’s mid-season favorite club, are finding it difficult to keep the momentum going in their quest for fourth place. Seems the team’s sudden drop in form has confused manager Martin O’Neill. He apparently has conceded the final Champions League spot to Arsenal, but hasn’t really given up hope of finishing in fourth place. Football can not only humble a man, but it can also make him a little delusional.

Did someone say delusional? Wacky French manager Arsene Wenger is at it again. His squad’s recent drubbings of powerhouses Newcastle and Blackburn has the Voyeur dreaming of winning the BPL. All it’s going to take is a combination of 1,973 unlikely occurrences. Keep hope alive. Keep hope alive.

Henry Miller once wrote, “Hope is a bad thing. It means that you are not what you want to be.” I couldn’t agree more. Boro fans keep returning to the Riverside hoping that they’re more than mediocre—which they aren’t. Hope may not be a good thing, but it makes for a great football story.

Oft-injured striker, Robin van Persie is hoping that eating less red meat will keep him from getting hurt so much. Even if it helps him play half a season, it’s still far more than his Dutch national team mate ‘ironman’ Arjen Robben could ever hope to play.

Big Sam Allardyce thinks his Blackburn team is too fat to compete. That’s part of it Sam. That and you lack enough skill players to stay up.

Meanwhile fat bastard Mike Ashley is begging Newcastle fans not to desert the team because the club is heading in the right direction. And caretaker manager for the caretaker manager Chris Hughton is banking on the return of Michael Owen to save them from relegation. Apparently they believe in the Kool-Aid diet and expect Toon fans to join them in drinking it up.

One person who’s definitely drinking the Kool-Aid is Cristiano Ronaldo’s mother. She doesn’t believe that her little boy could be a womanizer. Her proof of this is that he has only introduced two women to her and that if there were more she would have met them. I don’t know about you, but I don’t always bring my coke-dealing, prostitute girlfriends home.

In other news that proves she’s clueless, she doesn’t believe that her son is arrogant.

At least Fulham manager Roy Hodgson is a little more realistic when he says that owner Mohamed Al Fayed needs to spend big this summer if his goal of making Fulham the “Manchester United of the South” is to be achieved. But judging by the way Al Fayed has been reluctant to open the purse strings the past few years, it’s more realistic to hope for Bobby Zamora to win the Golden Boot next season.

I will end by tipping my cap to Blackpool supporters. Those sad bastards are hoping managerial cancer Iain Dowie can save them from relegation. Their Kool-Aid must really be laced with something potent. Those sad bastards.

P.S. One thing from the “Are You Serious?” category. West Bromwich Albion is freezing ticket prices for next year. Really? You’re not going to charge more to see you play Plymouth Argyle and Doncaster Rovers in the Championship than you would to see you take on Manchester United and Chelsea? Glad you could be there for your fans. Those sad bastards are drinking some serious Kool-Aid.

It’s Thursday, that cruelest of days. My brain is completely frazzled from the work week and I can almost taste the weekend and all the whiskey that comes with it. Unfortunately, there’s still that matter of making it through Friday. Thankfully today’s news from the world of football is a wonderful cornucopia of animal therapy, questionable fashion choices and dodgy decision making. It’s the perfect antidote for my end of the week blues.

Paul Gascoigne should have been a veterinarian. Yesterday, we reported that when the Gazza was at his worst he spoke to and drank with fake parrots. Today, the Crying One tells how talking to horses helped him get over booze. He didn’t mention if the horse helped the parrots.

Nicklas Bendtner isn’t the only one pretty in pink at the Emirates. Keeper Manuel Almunia, he of the bleached blond locks, was spotted yesterday walking his dog with a pink leash. The pup was also kept warm by a little pink jacket. I just hope that it was his girlfriend who dressed the dog. And for that matter, I hope she’s the one that talked him into that stupid haircut.

Meanwhile, Blackburn striker Jason Roberts has been accused of hitting a teenage Coventry fan after their FA Cup loss to the Sky Blues. There hasn’t been any comment from Big Sam yet, but I’m sure he’s wondering where that fighting spirit was on the pitch.

Don’t get me wrong, going after a fan is unacceptable, but it’s less detrimental to the team than battling your teammate. North London’s favorite defensive duo is at it again. Reports have been circulating that William Gallas and Kolo Toure have never and will never enjoy each other’s company. Maybe Gallas doesn’t understand why Toure wants to be the last one on the pitch when it’s obviously better to be the last one to leave.

Chelsea’s other Ivory Coast striker, Salomon Kalou, has expressed his desire to join the Gunners. Not only does he enjoy the way they play, he also has many friends on the squad–including Kolo Toure. Maybe he can bring some of that Chelsea team spirit with him.

Sparky Hughes sees team bonding differently. He’s actually encouraging his Manchester City team to shout at each other. He claims the team is too quiet and needs to be more like Craig Bellamy. Next on the City training regimen is golf club duels at dawn.

While we’re on the subject of fighting, what would a Manchester United trip to Italy be without their fans being attacked by a group of angry Italians? Rome and Milan might not see eye-to-eye on many things, but they both agree on the best way to shank a Manc.

From the it’s-as-obvious-as-an-elephant-in-your-kitchen department, Newcastle managing director Derek Llambias told a fan forum that they’re building for the future. Considering that their recent past and present have been pretty much shit, that’s probably the best way to go.

If they need a player to jump-start the Toon revolution, it’s safe to say that Julien Faubert might be available soon. The winger, who moved from West Ham to Real Madrid, hasn’t been able to get any game action since his move to Spain and doesn’t understand why. If I must be the one to say it, I will. IT’S BECAUSE YOU SUCK. Thanks for listening Julien.