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Do you remember the early 90s sitcom Family Matters? You probably remember it as the Steve Urkel show. And you may remember his catch phrase ‘Did I do that?’ Well, that’s what’s the news is like today, a bunch of people making some bad decisions.

French club Rennes has been charged with poaching teenager Tongo Hamed Doumbia from Châteauroux, a Ligue 2 side. It wouldn’t be so funny if they hadn’t accused Manchester City of doing the same thing to them. Maybe someone needs to translate the old adage about people in glass houses into French.

It looks like there’s been a little bust-up at Aston Villa between manager Martin O’Neill and disgruntled midfielder Nigel Reo-Coker. Some reports say that Reo-Coker got physical and pushed and choked O’Neill. The manager denies Reo-Coker went all Latrell Spreewell, but he did give the hot-headed midfielder the weekend off.

Liverpool may be sitting in fifth place and seven points behind BPL leaders Chelsea, but that doesn’t worry Steven Gerrard. Captain Liverpool feels the club is starting to heat up and that the African Cup of Nations will work in the Reds favor. There’s nothing like back-to-back victories over powerhouses Burnley and Debrecen to fill up one’s cup of confidence.

Arsene Wenger might want to move on from ‘Manu-Gate,’ but it’s still fresh in Cesc Fabregas’ mind. The Arsenal captain claims the out-of-control Adebayor made a reckless tackle that left him with stud marks and a three inch gash on his shin. I don’t think this story will ever die—unfortunately.

On the subject of hot-heads, the real reason for Wayne Rooney’s temper tantrum after being substituted during Manchester United’s 1-0 win at Besiktas mid-week has been revealed. Apparently he was spat on by some Besiktas fans. It’s a good thing we’ve nipped this potential ‘Gate’ in the bud.

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They say there are two sides to every story, and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Or in the case of most things that are reported in the football world, there’s no truth at all. But that’s what makes it fun. Unlike watching Guus Hiddink’s Chelsea warriors ‘stifle’ Barcelona.

Are they or aren’t they going to be the biggest club in the Championship? That’s the question hanging over Newcastle’s heads these days. If you ask Legend #2 Alan Shearer, the answer is that they’re not going down. But Michael Owen isn’t so sure. The Premiership will miss you Toon Army.

Martin O’Neill doesn’t mind a little competition. Unlike many in England, the Aston Villa boss thinks that Celtic and Rangers joining the Premiership is a good thing. After finding out how hard it is to crack the top four, you think he wouldn’t want to add to the degree of difficulty.

Speaking of difficult, it must be hell to be Andrei Arshavin. First, he has to convince his wife to live in that terrible city of London, while making millions of pounds in the process. And now he finds out that his Arsenal teammates are jealous of him. I guess it’s hard being the king. And for Mikael Silvestre, it’s hard letting go of the past. At least they should be safe from bird flu.

What’s with the love fest between Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger? Through the years the two have had a less than warm relationship, but now they can’t say enough nice things about each other. At least Karl-Heinz Rummenigge has some harsh words for the Professor of the Emirates.

Mea culpas all around at Tottenham. Not that it should make Jermaine Jenas any happier, but referee Howard Webb has admitted he was wrong to award Manchester United a penalty over the weekend. And Harry Redknapp has apologized for pretty much calling Darren Bent a woman earlier this season. Better late than never, eh Darren?

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Momentum. The Big MO. Whatever you call it; it’s apparently what you want on your side at this time of year. Or at least that what it seems as one peruses today’s newspapers after the seismic (at least in the Northwest of England) events that took place this weekend.

In case you were locked up all weekend or didn’t care to notice, Liverpool is only one point behind Manchester United in the BPL title race. And of course all the talk is how Liverpool now has the momentum and Manchester United are losing steam. And the theories abound as to how this happened. Some are interesting, and some are just plain ridiculous. But I do love it when an unpredictable title race forces the same predictable quotes that we football fans have become used to.

Makes me wonder where have you gone Jose Mourinho? In times like these we need a quote machine like you. Oh, I forgot, you’re busy winning the Scudetto with Inter Milan and infuriating your fellow managers. Even though you say that you’re staying in Italy next season, I don’t think anyone believes you.

Aston Villa, everyone’s mid-season favorite club, are finding it difficult to keep the momentum going in their quest for fourth place. Seems the team’s sudden drop in form has confused manager Martin O’Neill. He apparently has conceded the final Champions League spot to Arsenal, but hasn’t really given up hope of finishing in fourth place. Football can not only humble a man, but it can also make him a little delusional.

Did someone say delusional? Wacky French manager Arsene Wenger is at it again. His squad’s recent drubbings of powerhouses Newcastle and Blackburn has the Voyeur dreaming of winning the BPL. All it’s going to take is a combination of 1,973 unlikely occurrences. Keep hope alive. Keep hope alive.

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They don’t let me normally do a Daily Thought, but I think that’s because I rarely wake up before three in the afternoon—which they claim is too late to do this column. But since St. Patrick’s Day is the only holiday I celebrate, I’ve been up early and I’m full of corned beef, Guinness and, of course, the great Jameson whiskey. So normally these pansies do a cute intro to their little news rundowns, but the Drunk says “F*ck that.” Here’s my intro: Why the f*ck are you reading this column and not drunk off your ass?

I can respect Alex Ferguson not wanting to talk to the Press after getting his ass handed to him by that fat bastard Benitez and Liverpool on Saturday. It was such an ass kicking that even Professor Wenger came to his defense.

Meanwhile, Mr. Too-Good-For-England, but apparently not good enough for Spurs, Roman Pavlyuchenko has been dropped to the reserves. I just love it when a man’s ego gets handed to him in a lady’s handbag. He might look drunk but Harry Redknapp knows a crap player when he sees one.

Speaking of other foreign pretty boys not cutting it in the Premiership, it seems Mark Hughes has run out of patience with Robinho. Hughes is threatening to bench him in favor of Martin Petrov. And he thought riding the pine at Real Madrid was insulting.

Of course crybaby strikers don’t just ply their trade in the Premiership. He might be too old to be great, but David Trezeguet isn’t too old to throw a tantrum when being substituted. I don’t understand wusses who complain when the get subbed off with ten minutes to go when they didn’t do sh*t the first eighty. Guess that’s why the Drunk was a hard ass (aka dirty) holding midfielder.

At least there’s one forward in this column that isn’t whining. Aston Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor hasn’t scored in seven matches and was booed during their last match, but has vowed to win back the fans by scoring. Go figure, a well-compensated player taking responsibility and not blaming others. What is the world coming to? Gabby you are now a Drunk favorite. Congratulations.

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Another week of picks and another week of winners. As one who loves to toot his own horn, The Drunk is proud to announce that he is now five for six with his picks. And for those who pay attention to this sort of thing, I also correctly predicted the goal differential of each match. Not one to rest on my laurels though, I put my sterling reputation on the line as I give you three more winners. Don’t thank me, just buy me a whiskey.

Down in south-west Germany, Stuttgart has long been the dominant club of the region, but new boys Hoffenheim are looking to change that. Leaders at the winter break, Hoffenheim have lost leading scorer Vedad Ibisevic for the season due to injury and now sit in second place. Stuttgart started the season slowly, but has come on strong since the appointment of new coach Markus Babbel, going unbeaten since November. This will be a barn-burner, and we know Jens Lehmann will be fired up.
The pick: The Hoffs 2 – Mercedes Men 1

The heat will be on both teams when Sevilla host Atletico Madrid. Sevilla may sit in third place, but the fans and the press haven’t been too happy as they’ve lost three out of their last four. Meanwhile, new coach Abel Resino has seemed to revitalize los colchoneros. Atletico has drawn and won since his arrival, putting them back in contention for a Champions League spot. Only five points separate these two, with the loser staring at a long, question-filled week.    The pick: Anxious Andalucían’s 3 – The Capital’s Other Team 2

We end the weekend with a battle of two teams who find themselves in unfamiliar positions. Aston Villa is flying high, sitting in third place, and are within touching distance of the Champions League. Chelsea is fourth and slipping. New coach Guus Hiddink hopes to work some of his Dutch black magic on a squad that seems a shell of its former self. A win for Villa will put them five points in front of Chelsea, while a loss in Hiddink’s debut could be the final nail in the Blues’ coffin.
The pick: Chelski 3 – Everyone’s New Favorite Team 1

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Newcastle Managing Director Derek Llambias recently spoke of his club’s desire to be “an Aston Villa.” Just three years ago, nobody in English football would have uttered those words. That’s why sports years are like dog years. Take a look at Chelsea’s recent dismissal of Felipe Scolari. Six months after arriving as a savior and as someone who has won on the biggest stages, he leaves as a fraud unable to cope with the demands of the English game. And that was in just six months. Imagine how distant 2006 must seem, especially if you’re a fan of Aston Villa or Arsenal.

In 2006, Arsenal finished fourth in the Premier League and had made it to the Champions League final. The squad was filled with the likes of Thierry Henry, Robert Pires, and Freddy Ljungberg. Their flamboyant attacking style was the envy of the world and Wenger’s policy of buying young cheap players and teaching them the Arsenal way earned him widespread praise. Even though it had been two years since winning the title, the feeling among supporters was that the team could challenge for all honors during any given season.

Contrast that image with the realities of Aston Villa. They finished one place out of the drop zone, and fans had turned on longtime chairman Doug Ellis. Years of underachievement and lack of funds had created a dark cloud around Villa Park. The announcement that an American, Randy Lerner, was taking over the club had Villains feeling less than hopeful. They seemed liked a club destined for the Championship, not the Champions League.

Now, just a short time later, Villa is sitting third in the Premiership, seven points ahead of Arsenal. Six of their squad has been named to the English team for today’s friendly against Spain. Randy Lerner has provided stability at the top, providing the funds to acquire players while managing to keep a low profile. This has allowed Martin O’Neill to craft a well-balanced team of youngsters and veterans who are all on the same page.

Meanwhile, the discontent at the Emirates is well known news. From William Gallas’ tell all biography to the fans booing Emmanuel Eboue off of the pitch, the Gunners are less than a happy bunch. Player defections have depleted the midfield. And they have suffered losses in the boardroom. As times get tougher, Arsene Wenger is looking for excuses, and trying not to “develop a paranoia.”

Of course, this doesn’t mean that Arsenal’s slippage of form is permanent or that Villa is the new superpower. These are just two prime examples that show that in sports, just as in life, nothing lasts forever. Stability and financial savvy are the key components to success as a football club. Let’s hope that rent-a-manger Chelsea, and lost at sea Newcastle learn these lessons before it’s too late.