Stuttgart’s keeper, the always entertaining Jens Lehmann, couldn’t wait for a break in action during yesterday’s Champions League match against Unirea Urziceni to relieve himself. Instead, the crafty veteran decided to duck behind the advertising signs to take care of business. Unfortunately, it looks like the former Arsenal man couldn’t fully shake it out before action headed back his way.

A while back we posted footage of University of New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert going a little crazy during a match. Lest you think that was a onetime deal in US women’s collegiate soccer, we have footage from last weekend’s championship game. This time it’s Stanford’s national player of the year candidate Kelley O’Hara who forgets the rules of the game.

Here’s something you don’t see everyday. Italian Serie B side Ascoli let opponents Reggina score after deciding their own opening goal had been unsporting. Reggina’s Carlos Valdez had been trying to kick the ball out of play after realising he was injured, but Vincenzo Sommese, unaware of the injury, intercepted the ball and moments later Mirko Antenucci scored for Ascoli. Their attempt at fair play didn’t go unpunished. Ascoli went on to lose 3-1.

After being sent off  against Newquay in an English South West Peninsula League Division 1 West match, St. Austell captain Lee Whetter decided to take the long route to the locker room. Rather than take his sending off like a man, he decided to go into the stands and rain blows down upon Newquay fan Mark Charles, who had been taking the piss out of him during the match. For channeling his inner Eric Cantona, Whetter has been permanently kicked off the team.

While I’ve been recovering in my sick bed from my recent accident, people in the football world seem to be having, um, well, a ball. But it’s not just unnamed Liverpool supporters (who might want to follow my lead and drop out of sight for a while) who have embarrassed themselves, some of the games elder statesmen have also been found looking foolish. (And I’m not talking about you Rio Ferdinand.) So for those who have missed it, the Daily Thought rundown has returned.

I’m not going to get into the whole beach ball debate or make another ‘life’s a beach joke’ (besides I already did that on Twitter), but it seems the lads at Leeds United haven’t had enough of it. And I’m pretty sure Liverpool should be more than ready for a Beach Ball Blanket Bingo party at Anfield this Sunday.

On the subject of Club Crisis, Daniel Agger makes the ‘no-shit’ observation of the week by announcing that Liverpool isn’t the same side without Steven Gerrard. To quote Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, I ask ‘Really?’ As if anyone who watched Sunderland completely outplay them without Stevie G didn’t notice that.

Last season after more than a few nightclub incidents involving his players, Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp issued a nightclub ban. I guess old Harry won’t be too happy to see these pictures of Peter Crouch and Jonathan Woodgate busting moves (if you can call it that) on the dance floor late last Saturday night.

At least those two young men were able to get into the club. After being denied entrance into a nightclub Cheltenham manager Martin Allen (on the job all of one month) decided to racially abuse the bouncer and challenge him to a fight. Not exactly a good way to endear yourselves to the club staff or your employers. The 44-year-old wannabe party boy has been suspended from his job until further notice.

Perhaps with his time off he can call up former English legend Paul Gasciogne. Gascoigne—who’s no stranger to drunken outbursts—has gotten himself into further trouble by head butting a bouncer at a Newcastle snooker club. (I assume that’s a fancy pool hall.) Maybe these two old timers should just take a cue from Crouchy and Woody and just learn to enjoy themselves on the dance floor.

Happy Birthday, Arsene Wenger. The Arsenal manager turns sixty on Thursday and claims he wants to be in football until he dies. And I’m sure you won’t see the football focused manager celebrating his special day at a nightclub. Actually, it’s a lot lamer than that. He plans on a dinner with the wife and exciting Europa League action. I’m sure the wife can’t wait. I can picture her calling Mad Dog and Gazza to see what they’re up to that night.

I’d like wish a fond farewell to Sweden and Celtic legend Henrik Larsson. The 38-year-old has decided to hang it up November 1. If only I could tell him how much I enjoyed his career in person.

It’s also the end for legend in name only Dean Windass. If only I could tell him in person how much I enjoyed making Windass jokes.

Due to injuries suffered by a hit and run driver that have left us with one arm and half a face, NHT will be on a brief hiatus. We apologize for the inconvenience, but we will be back soon. We will try to keep the tweets coming so follow us at Twitter.com/NaturalHatTrick.