Who knew APOEL was good?

So what? I stand by yesterday’s picks. I went a respectable 4-4. It’s not like you lost money (not that we support gambling—Ed.) So I’m back today to give you a remarkable EIGHT winners. Continue Reading

You can bet your balls that the Drunk's got picks.

So you may be wondering where I’ve been, and the answer is a little place called none-of-your-g*d-damn-business. Actually after giving you so many winners last year, I decided to take a rest from being the best handicapper on the web Natural Hat Trick. So instead of giving you just three money picks, I’m going to give you the result of all eight of today’s matches. Bold I know, but then again I am The Drunk. Let’s hit it. Continue Reading

They don’t let me normally do a Daily Thought, but I think that’s because I rarely wake up before three in the afternoon—which they claim is too late to do this column. But since St. Patrick’s Day is the only holiday I celebrate, I’ve been up early and I’m full of corned beef, Guinness and, of course, the great Jameson whiskey. So normally these pansies do a cute intro to their little news rundowns, but the Drunk says “F*ck that.” Here’s my intro: Why the f*ck are you reading this column and not drunk off your ass?

I can respect Alex Ferguson not wanting to talk to the Press after getting his ass handed to him by that fat bastard Benitez and Liverpool on Saturday. It was such an ass kicking that even Professor Wenger came to his defense.

Meanwhile, Mr. Too-Good-For-England, but apparently not good enough for Spurs, Roman Pavlyuchenko has been dropped to the reserves. I just love it when a man’s ego gets handed to him in a lady’s handbag. He might look drunk but Harry Redknapp knows a crap player when he sees one.

Speaking of other foreign pretty boys not cutting it in the Premiership, it seems Mark Hughes has run out of patience with Robinho. Hughes is threatening to bench him in favor of Martin Petrov. And he thought riding the pine at Real Madrid was insulting.

Of course crybaby strikers don’t just ply their trade in the Premiership. He might be too old to be great, but David Trezeguet isn’t too old to throw a tantrum when being substituted. I don’t understand wusses who complain when the get subbed off with ten minutes to go when they didn’t do sh*t the first eighty. Guess that’s why the Drunk was a hard ass (aka dirty) holding midfielder.

At least there’s one forward in this column that isn’t whining. Aston Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor hasn’t scored in seven matches and was booed during their last match, but has vowed to win back the fans by scoring. Go figure, a well-compensated player taking responsibility and not blaming others. What is the world coming to? Gabby you are now a Drunk favorite. Congratulations.

It's all about the boots.

In times gone by, a second leg all-or-nothing Champions League clash between massive clubs such as Manchester United and Inter Milan would be an event all its own. But in today’s world, it’s an excuse for Nike marketing executives to introduce their latest boot—the Nike Mercurial Vapor Superfly. I truly hope the match provides more talking points than Ronaldo and Ibrahimovic’s new boots.

I don’t remember my picks record. (I’m sure some of you more industrious types will decide to look it up and let me know.) Regardless of what it stands at, I know I’m good. I know I’m good because my bookie won’t call me back. And if he’s not looking for me, that means he doesn’t want me to take anymore money from him. So here we go with picks on a rather unexciting Champions League Tuesday.

Rejuvenated Chelsea goes to Italy to finish off a Juventus team that still hasn’t fully recovered from their match-fixing punishment of a couple of years ago. Didier Drogba is happy because Guus Hiddink is ignoring him, but playing him. I can understand. It’s exactly what I wanted from my ex-wife–no conversation but plenty of action. He gets another goal today.
The pick: Chelski 1 – Juv-got-no-chance 0

The question in the Real Madrid v. Liverpool match isn’t who’s advancing, it’s whether or not Liverpool will do anything besides sit back and defend. We know Madrid has no pace or creativity to break down a defense, so expect a snoozer.
The pick: No Respect Rafas 0 – Maybe Next Year Madrid 0

Villarreal v. Panathinaikos will actually be the only entertaining affair of the day. Expect plenty of fireworks on the pitch and more fire in the stands. Villarreal seems to have more talent available, but Pana is the Drunk’s team of destiny.
The pick: Opas 2 – El Submarino Amarillo 1

And of course I’m not giving a pick for Bayern München v. Sporting. It was 5-0 in the opening leg. As Sporting coach Paulo Bento honestly put it, “The outcome of this round is already certain.”

The Drunk is a fighter, and an o-fer day isn’t going to deter him from making picks. Sure there’s been a lot of bravado in this space recently, but I’m back today to set things right. And for those of you who blame me for lost money, you shouldn’t be gambling anyway.

We’re not sure how Panathinaikos got to this stage of the tournament, but they’re here and Villarreal is glad to host them. They’ve never won in Spain and today isn’t the day to end that streak.
The pick: Yellow Submarine 2 – Random Guys from Greece 0

Didier Drogba expects his team to score four goals against Juventus. That’s not going to happen, but you can’t hate a man for being optimistic. The Blues have a new man in charge and a new attitude, while Juve have only won twice in their last five
The pick: Chelski 1 – Juve 0

Bayern may only sit fourth in the Bundesliga but they have been on fire in the Champions League–accumulating 14 points in the group stage. Combine that form with the anger from losing at home to Cologne over the weekend and you have some dangerous Germans. Sporting is just happy to be here.
The pick: Lederhosen 1 – Lisbians 0

Two massive clubs, star players, blah, blah, blah. The only important factor is whether or not Steven Gerrard plays. As of this time we don’t know, but I’ll just assume Captain Liverpool suits it up. Expect a game full of missed chances and repeated shots of Arjen Robben on the ground.
The pick: Red Shirts 0 – White Shirts 0