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Perhaps Oscar Wilde was correct when he said, “The man who sees both sides of a question is a man who sees absolutely nothing at all.” That’s how I felt as I read today’s football news. Is the manager a clueless madman or a mad scientist? Will he or won’t he be sacked? And everyone has a different opinion. Maybe I need to stop reading so many papers. Trying to make sense of it all has left me as blind as Lionel Richie in the Hello video.

Cristiano Ronaldo is certainly a player that brings out extreme emotions in people. Is he the world’s greatest player or a diving cheat? It seems that all the excess fouling and lack of protection from the referees is driving the non-womanizing mama’s boy out of England. (Cue cheers from the streets of Madrid.) While some have argued that the refs in England are the worst in the world, the statistics show that he is one of the most fouled in the BPL. So either he getting kicked every time he touches the ball and the referees don’t see it, or he’s a whiny bitch orchestrating a summer move to his ‘dream’ club Real Madrid. And I couldn’t see a moral character such as Ronaldo doing such a thing.

Or maybe there’s a worldwide conspiracy against great players. Bayern Munchen’s Franck Ribery is also complaining about the lack of protection he is receiving from Bundesliga referees. Or maybe both of these pansies should realize that as the best player on the pitch the other team will be trying to take them out. I think Franck and Cristiano would like it if they got to wear different colored shirts from the other less skilled players, so that the refs can watch them, and only them, at all times. I’m thinking pink would be a fine color for these special shirts, how about you?

A day after calling his fellow Serie A managers puppets of their chairmen, Jose Mourinho has been called pathetic by Cagliari manager Massimiliano Allegri. But it seems as if the not-so-special one didn’t hear him as he was too busy talking about Manchester United and Chelsea. For all the talking he does about his former club and league, you might begin to wonder if he’s now the voyeur.

‘Facts’ Benitez may be a favorite target of this column as we perceive him to be a clueless jellybean with a goatee, but he’s apparently a ‘revolutionary’ genius that has turned Liverpool from a team that hadn’t won a league title in fourteen years to one that hasn’t won a league title in eighteen years. Even a blind man couldn’t see that improvement. At least he’s learned to keep his rants to himself, which we all can agree is a good thing.

What’s a good thing that’s not really such a good thing? Ye olde dreaded vote of confidence. And the latest manager to receive one is embattled Middlesbrough manager Gareth Southgate. We will miss you when you get canned after the season. Of course Stewart Downing is using the tried, true and predictable method of imploring the supporters to get behind the team. All Boro needs is a little fan support to keep them safe from the drop. That would help, and so would a few goals and a couple of clean sheets. Now that’s the kind of comforting football predictability that helps get a sightless man from the living room to the bathroom without a guide dog.

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