Cry Me A River


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They don’t let me normally do a Daily Thought, but I think that’s because I rarely wake up before three in the afternoon—which they claim is too late to do this column. But since St. Patrick’s Day is the only holiday I celebrate, I’ve been up early and I’m full of corned beef, Guinness and, of course, the great Jameson whiskey. So normally these pansies do a cute intro to their little news rundowns, but the Drunk says “F*ck that.” Here’s my intro: Why the f*ck are you reading this column and not drunk off your ass?

I can respect Alex Ferguson not wanting to talk to the Press after getting his ass handed to him by that fat bastard Benitez and Liverpool on Saturday. It was such an ass kicking that even Professor Wenger came to his defense.

Meanwhile, Mr. Too-Good-For-England, but apparently not good enough for Spurs, Roman Pavlyuchenko has been dropped to the reserves. I just love it when a man’s ego gets handed to him in a lady’s handbag. He might look drunk but Harry Redknapp knows a crap player when he sees one.

Speaking of other foreign pretty boys not cutting it in the Premiership, it seems Mark Hughes has run out of patience with Robinho. Hughes is threatening to bench him in favor of Martin Petrov. And he thought riding the pine at Real Madrid was insulting.

Of course crybaby strikers don’t just ply their trade in the Premiership. He might be too old to be great, but David Trezeguet isn’t too old to throw a tantrum when being substituted. I don’t understand wusses who complain when the get subbed off with ten minutes to go when they didn’t do sh*t the first eighty. Guess that’s why the Drunk was a hard ass (aka dirty) holding midfielder.

At least there’s one forward in this column that isn’t whining. Aston Villa’s Gabby Agbonlahor hasn’t scored in seven matches and was booed during their last match, but has vowed to win back the fans by scoring. Go figure, a well-compensated player taking responsibility and not blaming others. What is the world coming to? Gabby you are now a Drunk favorite. Congratulations.

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