Drinking the Kool-Aid of Hope

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Henry Miller once wrote, “Hope is a bad thing. It means that you are not what you want to be.” I couldn’t agree more. Boro fans keep returning to the Riverside hoping that they’re more than mediocre—which they aren’t. Hope may not be a good thing, but it makes for a great football story.

Oft-injured striker, Robin van Persie is hoping that eating less red meat will keep him from getting hurt so much. Even if it helps him play half a season, it’s still far more than his Dutch national team mate ‘ironman’ Arjen Robben could ever hope to play.

Big Sam Allardyce thinks his Blackburn team is too fat to compete. That’s part of it Sam. That and you lack enough skill players to stay up.

Meanwhile fat bastard Mike Ashley is begging Newcastle fans not to desert the team because the club is heading in the right direction. And caretaker manager for the caretaker manager Chris Hughton is banking on the return of Michael Owen to save them from relegation. Apparently they believe in the Kool-Aid diet and expect Toon fans to join them in drinking it up.

One person who’s definitely drinking the Kool-Aid is Cristiano Ronaldo’s mother. She doesn’t believe that her little boy could be a womanizer. Her proof of this is that he has only introduced two women to her and that if there were more she would have met them. I don’t know about you, but I don’t always bring my coke-dealing, prostitute girlfriends home.

In other news that proves she’s clueless, she doesn’t believe that her son is arrogant.

At least Fulham manager Roy Hodgson is a little more realistic when he says that owner Mohamed Al Fayed needs to spend big this summer if his goal of making Fulham the “Manchester United of the South” is to be achieved. But judging by the way Al Fayed has been reluctant to open the purse strings the past few years, it’s more realistic to hope for Bobby Zamora to win the Golden Boot next season.

I will end by tipping my cap to Blackpool supporters. Those sad bastards are hoping managerial cancer Iain Dowie can save them from relegation. Their Kool-Aid must really be laced with something potent. Those sad bastards.

P.S. One thing from the “Are You Serious?” category. West Bromwich Albion is freezing ticket prices for next year. Really? You’re not going to charge more to see you play Plymouth Argyle and Doncaster Rovers in the Championship than you would to see you take on Manchester United and Chelsea? Glad you could be there for your fans. Those sad bastards are drinking some serious Kool-Aid.

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