It’s Been Emotional

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Emotions are running high as spring approaches and clubs trophy aspirations are vanishing into thin air like so much of the Drunk’s marijuana smoke. On this Tuesday, the papers are filled with emotional people and I have to say that it makes me happy to know that one of our favorites, ‘Facts’ Benitez, leads off today’s roundup.

He sure is trying to squeeze all he can out of that miracle 2005 Champions League victory. Yesterday ‘Facts’ ranted that Liverpool doesn’t get enough respect. I guess he doesn’t realize that making deep runs in the Champions League (like every other English club that qualifies), while being out of the Premiership title race by January, isn’t all that impressive. Of course you can’t expect a man who gets punked at his own press conference to have a clue.

Another person fed up with getting kicked around is Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s also having trouble controlling his anger at the situation. Of course if he didn’t spend the first few years of his career falling down like a drunken toddler, his offenders wouldn’t get away with it so easily.

Theo Walcott apparently wishes he had the same problem. Lil’ Theo recently went on record saying that he hopes he gets ‘clattered’ by Roma in Wednesday’s Champions League match. I don’t think he’ll be saying that when his 90 pound self gets knocked out with yet another injury when his prayers get answered.

Speaking of someone who knows a good kicking when he see it, Roy Keane and Niall Quinn are going to hold a clear the air talk about Keane’s abrupt departure from Sunderland. No word if the talks are going three or five rounds.

Niall Quinn might need to clear the air with striker Djibril Cisse as he is becoming increasingly annoyed with his contract situation. On loan from Marseille, Cisse is itching to make the move permanent and wants the situation to be resolved sooner rather than later. I understand his pain, in this economy a man wants to know where his hair dye is coming from.

Another man who knows his way around a hair salon, Dean Windass, has claimed that he wasn’t at the pub when Oldham got into a recent brawl on a team bonding session. He dares you to find an overweight Eminem look-alike on any of the pub’s CCTV cameras. Besides, he was too busy trying to find Phil Brown to have fought one of his teammates.

All joking aside, let’s end the column on a positive note, and it’s not John Terry getting back on the horse and practicing penalty kicks again. The Luton U-11s recently beat Bayern München’s squad to take home the Aarau Masters, billed as the most prestigious under-age indoor tournament in the world. At least something good happened for Luton this year.

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