Archive | March, 2009

Come And Get It


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bubbleandsqueak

Not much news after a weekend of ho-hum international action, so today’s column is a hodge-podge of random bits of news. You can call it our bubble and squeak piece.

Surprise, Surprise, Jose Mourinho would consider the Manchester United job if Sir Alex retires. Not that we haven’t heard that before, and then have it hastily retracted, only for him to bring it up again. His desire for the job is more obvious than my third grade crush on Ms. Gandee.

Sad to see it go away. Peter Crouch has officially retired the robot dance. First the robot guy from Chappell’s Show is gone, and now Crouch has put his version to bed. I think we’re suffering from a lack of people doing the robot.

Did anyone think Roy Keane would fade quietly into the night when he left Sunderland? It seems over the weekend that old Roy boy got into an altercation with his neighbor over his misbehaving pooch. Not that Keano’s one to turn a molehill into a mountain.

Speaking of people with an anger management problem, Joey Barton’s first attack victim, Jamie Tandy, is soon to be awarded £300,000 from the manic midfielder. Three cheers for that.

Liverpool’s squad is up to 62 men. That’s 16 more than Chelsea and a whopping 35 more than Bolton. And yet, Dirk Kuyt still manages to start.

Unsurprisingly, Djibril Cisse owns a clothing store. And it’s as flashy as he is.

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Posted in Jason ParkerComments Off

This Guy’s A Super Streaker


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More randomness from the wild world of football.

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Posted in Steve MartinComments Off

What A Bunch Of Morons


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I don’t know who this team is or where they’re from, but I do know that they’re a bunch of dumb-asses.

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Posted in Steve MartinComments Off

John Terry’s Mom Caught Shoplifting


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Don't cry John, I'm sure she didn't do it.

Don't cry John, I'm sure she didn't do it.

According to The Sun, John Terry’s mom and mother-in-law were accused of shoplifting clothes from Marks & Spencer and Tesco. Terry’s lawyer called the incident an ‘unfortunate misunderstanding.’ I’m not surprised, really. I you consider the fact that he makes £135,000 a week, he’s been stealing money for years.

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Are You Ready For Nashville?


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On April Fool’s Day the US Men’s National Team takes on Trinidad & Tobago in a World Cup qualifier. Below is the commercial alerting us to that fact. I just don’t get their catchphrase, ‘The Yanks are coming.’ I mean the game’s in America, where Yanks live. Anyway, if you want to watch the players talk about their upcoming matches click here.

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Posted in Steve MartinComments Off

What, Robinho Worry?


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Nothing gets Robinho down.

Robinho enjoys some down time.

Robinho is the Alfred E. Newman of football. From the looks of it, you couldn’t tell he’s had one of the most tumultuous seasons in recent memory. But I’m glad that he’s making the most of his international break. Of course I’m not Mark Hughes. But Sparky has nothing to worry about, because regardless of what the pictures may show, Robinho’s completely committed to Manchester City.

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Posted in Jason Parker1 Comment

It’s The Economy, Stupid


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money

Money makes the world go ‘round. As much as we try to pretend that it isn’t so, sometimes we’re reminded of it. (Actually I’m reminded of it everyday when I open my dusty wallet only to find a lonely fiver inside.) At least today’s news isn’t about expensive cars or gold tiled swimming pools, we’re actually going to discuss serious economic stuff. I’m sorry, I wish there was exciting news about strippers and cocaine fueled sex orgies. But there is a name-calling battle between billionaires.

It seems that the downtrodden economy isn’t bad for everyone. Tottenham have revealed that they will save £40m on their new stadium due to the drop in the price of steel and concrete. Just think of the players they can buy, then sell and then buy back with that kind of money.

While Spurs are ready to build a new stadium, Bayern München might be looking for a new roommate. I can just see the ad on Craigslist: Massive European football club located in Bavaria seeks smaller club with little or no recent success to share expenses and live in our shadow.

Meanwhile, Manchester United’s hunt for a new shirt sponsor continues. Current sponsor AIG will see out their contract—which runs until the end of next season. One small problem, AIG is changing their name, but next season’s shirts have already been produced. It looks like we have another Sony Dreamcast situation on our hands.

Could George Gillett days be numbered at Liverpool? It’s been reported that Tom Hicks is selling some of his stake in the Texas Rangers so that he’ll have the funds to buy out Gillett. Keep the faith Red fans, you’re getting closer to some semblance of stability.

Gillett and Hicks might not get along, but Wigan chairman Dave Whelan has absolutely no love for Newcastle owner Mike Ashley. Unless I misunderstood the phrase, “He has no class.”

But there is good news on the boardroom front. Elton John has returned to Watford as honorary life president. Make your own Elton John joke. I know you have a couple of good ones.

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Posted in Jason Parker, What's Going On?Comments Off

Izabel Goulart Is Heaven Sent


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Send me an angel.

Send me an angel.

This Brazilian bombshell started off as a Victoria’s Secret model, but decided to hand in her wings to become the face of Armani Exchange last summer. It was also during this time she became linked romantically with FC Lokomotiv Moscow midfielder Diniyar Bilyaletdinov. Like so many of her ilk, she’s also tried her hand at ‘acting,’ appearing on such TV shows as Two and a Half Men and Entourage. But Izabel also has a heart of gold; yesterday she was named the International Ambassador for the Diabetes Research Institute Foundation. If she seems too good to be true, that’s because she is. Well, at least too good for mere mortals like you and me.

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Posted in Jason Parker, WAG BizComments Off

Take A Break


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vacation

I don’t know what it is about the international break that loosens footballers’ lips? When they’re with their clubs, it’s the same mixture of bland quotes: ‘Football’s a game of two halves,’ We’ve got to stick together,’ or ‘No, I don’t think the gaffer’s a fucking idiot for playing me out of position.’ Maybe it’s the break from the monotony of day-to-day training with the same players and the same coaches. Or perhaps flying out of town for a week has a holiday feel to it. Whatever the reason, I appreciate this unique type of BS that the players are slinging.

What a difference ten days can make. A week and a half ago, Liverpool had conceded the title to Manchester United and the future of ‘Facts’ Benitez was in doubt. Now they’re the world’s greatest team and the ‘Fact Man’ is the greatest manager in the history of the sport. And apparently, if you believe nobody Alvaro Arbeloa, Liverpool are about to become bigger than The Beatles. I guess he’s not one for hyperbole.

Now that fortunes have turned in the Reds’ favor, their captain Steven Gerrard wants to stay at Anfield for the rest of his career. Or until the next time they finish in third place. And not only does he want to stay, Gerrard actually believes in Benitez’ management style. And it only took five years—way to come around captain kiss the camera. Now if only Fabio Capello would let him play like he wants.

It’s good to know that Manchester United’s recent form hasn’t worried left-back Patrice Evra. The Frenchman calls United’s losses to Liverpool and Fulham ‘a little accident.’ Teammate Darren Fletcher agrees, only he calls the losses ‘blips.’ I guess if United blow the title, they’ll just call it a trivial little nothing.

What’s not trivial to Evra is the behavior of the French fans. He claims the French lack a football culture. He also goes on to speculate whether or not the French even like football. That should get the fans on your side and stop the boos from raining down.

Why has the Ledley King story has become as huge as it has? He’s a fine player the ten games a year he plays. That’s why I don’t understand why Capello would want to include him in a World Cup squad. He can’t play two Saturdays in a row, how could he possibly play a World Cup tournament schedule? Anyway, Capello’s angry at Spurs and Spurs are angry at the English FA for what happened to King under Steve McClaren. And Steve McClaren’s angry at the guy who sold him that umbrella.

Speaking of buying and selling, apparently you can now buy Portsmouth for the price of Robinho. And the sad thing is there are more offers for the drug using, bad penalty taking Brazilian. Sorry about the drug reference Robbie, please don’t sue me.

While we’re on the topic of money, UEFA wants to limit the amount of players per squad in order to keep wage bills down. Predictably, PFA boss Gordon Taylor is completely against it.

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Posted in Jason Parker, What's Going On?Comments Off

Nives Celsius Is A Fan Of Douchebags


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Nives is Germany's hottest columnist.

What a surprise. Nives likes jerks.

Nives Celsius is officially a regular columnist for German newspaper Bild. As a follow up to her ‘well-written’ article on Germany’s hottest footballers (which made us question her judgement), Nives’ latest gem is about the bad boys of the Bundesliga. So now we know that she likes good-looking assholes. At least I have one of the two going for me.

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Posted in Jason Parker1 Comment

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