Not if Andrei had his way.

If you want to make yourself look better in your girlfriend’s eyes, don’t stop watching football and surfing internet porn sites. Just give her a copy of Andrei Arshavin’s new book, 555 Questions and Answers On Women, Money, Politics, and Football. Not only is he a loan shark and a karaoke star, he also offers his views on life for you to use. After she reads his words of wisdom, you’ll look like a Birkenstock wearing, Women’s Studies degree holding, Betty Friedan quoting, new age man. Without spoiling this great work for you and your missus, here are some Andrei gems:

“I like tall, slim girls with narrow thighs and tiny bums. If a girl is like this I do not pay attention to her breasts. Hair colour doesn’t matter either. What is really important is her style and manners.”

Or there’s this gem.

“If I had it in my power to introduce a ban on women driving cars and to withdraw all their licenses, I would do it without thinking twice.”

So this Saturday, when you settle in for your marathon of footy and beer and your girl offers to make you a sandwich, don’t thank me: Thank Andrei.