Archive | February, 2009

For All The Nevada Smith’s Lovers


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Here’s a mini-documentary about New York City’s legendary football bar.


Sunday at Smith's: A Soccer Ethnography from Nisha Ligon on Vimeo.

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Posted in Steve MartinComments Off

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)


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As I was crying in my cup of PG Tips this morning over the news that Gisele has chosen Tom Brady over me, I was consoled by the fact that footballers’ dreams don’t always come true. Sometimes driving a new Ferrari every other month, and bedding models and actresses isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes you have other dreams that are unattainable–even for a highly paid athlete or billionaire club owner. Now I feel better and I just hope that Bar Rafaeli dumps Leo sometime soon.

He might not like England, but Roman Pavlyuchenko isn’t trying to leave anytime soon. He just wants to move north and play for Manchester United–like many a Spurs star before him. What loyalty. I mean he hasn’t even finished his first season at White Hart Lane and he wants to leave. And Tottenham supporters thought that Dimitar Berbatov was just using them as a rest stop on the way to a bigger club.

While that might be an attainable goal, Sheffield United is still dreaming of the Premiership money they lost out on when they were relegated due to West Ham’s illegal signing of Carlos Tevez. They claim they are owed £45.5m. That’s £15m more than they previously claimed they were owed. Who says that the pound has decreased in value?

The Sunderland board has told Rick Sbragia that he will be allowed to splash the cash this summer. But other reports say that due to the economic crisis, they won’t have the money to sign Djibril Cisse. If they can’t afford Cisse, one has to assume that ‘splashing the cash’ means Sbragia will have a crisp twenty to blow on players. That should bring in some quality.

In other news, Julien Faubert has been linked with a move to Sunderland.

Jose Mourinho has said all along that he would one day return to England. And it appears that if Tom Hicks and George Gillett have their way, he would be Liverpool’s next manager. Aerosmith put it best when they sang, ‘Dream On.’ If he couldn’t deal with a meddling owner who was willing to throw big money around, I’m sure that he would love dealing with two clueless meddling owners that don’t spend any cash.

There is one man whose dream has come true. Who would have thought that it was ‘fact’ man Benitez? Longtime nemesis Rick Parry has left the club, leaving Rafa as the top dog at Anfield. Now if only Hicks and Gillett sold the team, Ryan Babel left the squad and Rafa gave up his stupid rotation policy, Liverpool would be hoisting the Premiership trophy next year. Or the next year. Or the year after that.

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Posted in Steve Martin, What's Going On?Comments Off

Hole in One


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This video just needs to be seen to be believed.

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Posted in Jason ParkerComments Off

Just Kicking It


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Watch this video of David Beckham and Kevin Garnett ‘shooting’ some hoops.

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Only Fools and Horses


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foolshorses

It’s Thursday, that cruelest of days. My brain is completely frazzled from the work week and I can almost taste the weekend and all the whiskey that comes with it. Unfortunately, there’s still that matter of making it through Friday. Thankfully today’s news from the world of football is a wonderful cornucopia of animal therapy, questionable fashion choices and dodgy decision making. It’s the perfect antidote for my end of the week blues.

Paul Gascoigne should have been a veterinarian. Yesterday, we reported that when the Gazza was at his worst he spoke to and drank with fake parrots. Today, the Crying One tells how talking to horses helped him get over booze. He didn’t mention if the horse helped the parrots.

Nicklas Bendtner isn’t the only one pretty in pink at the Emirates. Keeper Manuel Almunia, he of the bleached blond locks, was spotted yesterday walking his dog with a pink leash. The pup was also kept warm by a little pink jacket. I just hope that it was his girlfriend who dressed the dog. And for that matter, I hope she’s the one that talked him into that stupid haircut.

Meanwhile, Blackburn striker Jason Roberts has been accused of hitting a teenage Coventry fan after their FA Cup loss to the Sky Blues. There hasn’t been any comment from Big Sam yet, but I’m sure he’s wondering where that fighting spirit was on the pitch.

Don’t get me wrong, going after a fan is unacceptable, but it’s less detrimental to the team than battling your teammate. North London’s favorite defensive duo is at it again. Reports have been circulating that William Gallas and Kolo Toure have never and will never enjoy each other’s company. Maybe Gallas doesn’t understand why Toure wants to be the last one on the pitch when it’s obviously better to be the last one to leave.

Chelsea’s other Ivory Coast striker, Salomon Kalou, has expressed his desire to join the Gunners. Not only does he enjoy the way they play, he also has many friends on the squad–including Kolo Toure. Maybe he can bring some of that Chelsea team spirit with him.

Sparky Hughes sees team bonding differently. He’s actually encouraging his Manchester City team to shout at each other. He claims the team is too quiet and needs to be more like Craig Bellamy. Next on the City training regimen is golf club duels at dawn.

While we’re on the subject of fighting, what would a Manchester United trip to Italy be without their fans being attacked by a group of angry Italians? Rome and Milan might not see eye-to-eye on many things, but they both agree on the best way to shank a Manc.

From the it’s-as-obvious-as-an-elephant-in-your-kitchen department, Newcastle managing director Derek Llambias told a fan forum that they’re building for the future. Considering that their recent past and present have been pretty much shit, that’s probably the best way to go.

If they need a player to jump-start the Toon revolution, it’s safe to say that Julien Faubert might be available soon. The winger, who moved from West Ham to Real Madrid, hasn’t been able to get any game action since his move to Spain and doesn’t understand why. If I must be the one to say it, I will. IT’S BECAUSE YOU SUCK. Thanks for listening Julien.

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Posted in Jason Parker, What's Going On?Comments Off

Back At It


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The Drunk is a fighter, and an o-fer day isn’t going to deter him from making picks. Sure there’s been a lot of bravado in this space recently, but I’m back today to set things right. And for those of you who blame me for lost money, you shouldn’t be gambling anyway.

We’re not sure how Panathinaikos got to this stage of the tournament, but they’re here and Villarreal is glad to host them. They’ve never won in Spain and today isn’t the day to end that streak.
The pick: Yellow Submarine 2 – Random Guys from Greece 0

Didier Drogba expects his team to score four goals against Juventus. That’s not going to happen, but you can’t hate a man for being optimistic. The Blues have a new man in charge and a new attitude, while Juve have only won twice in their last five
The pick: Chelski 1 – Juve 0

Bayern may only sit fourth in the Bundesliga but they have been on fire in the Champions League–accumulating 14 points in the group stage. Combine that form with the anger from losing at home to Cologne over the weekend and you have some dangerous Germans. Sporting is just happy to be here.
The pick: Lederhosen 1 – Lisbians 0

Two massive clubs, star players, blah, blah, blah. The only important factor is whether or not Steven Gerrard plays. As of this time we don’t know, but I’ll just assume Captain Liverpool suits it up. Expect a game full of missed chances and repeated shots of Arjen Robben on the ground.
The pick: Red Shirts 0 – White Shirts 0

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Posted in The Angry DrunkComments Off

Time for Takeoff


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ejectionseat

I think that I’m suffering from motion sickness. And it’s not from being overserved on a much needed luxury cruise vacation. It’s from all the speculation about who’s going, who’s coming and how they’re getting there. Today’s headlines have more talk of arrivals and departures than a train station PA system.

Will he stay or is he leaving? No, we’re not talking about David Beckham, but Rafa Benitez. The ‘fact’ man’s contract saga continues to dominate the headlines, with the latest news having him leaving Anfield by the weekend. At least all the talk distracts everyone from talking about how Liverpool has blown yet another chance at the Premiership title.

Meanwhile, the Special One doesn’t have any troubles leaving the San Siro. Apparently the news of Jose snubbing Alex Ferguson after yesterday’s Champions League matchup was much ado about nothing. According to Mourinho, the San Siro dugout has a secret door that leads from the pitch to the dressing room. In other news, Rafa is asking for an ejection seat at Anfield.

In other Champions League news, Kolo Toure was booked for coming on the pitch without permission at the start of the second half against Roma. It seems Toure has a superstition that he must be the last one on the pitch. He also revealed that he plays with ten rabbit’s feet in his boots.

Over at the Riverside, Gareth Southgate is trying to go back to a time when Middlesbrough weren’t so crappy. Or at least a time when they could at least score goals. In an attempt to boast his club’s confidence, he has compiled a video of his players scoring goals. The good thing is that the video didn’t get in the way of training as it only lasted three minutes.

At least it’s heart warming to know that Nicklas Bendtner doesn’t need any confidence boosting. After flubbing a half dozen chances yesterday against Roma, the every minute man was still able to feel good about his performance. The note in his lunch box from his mother also confirmed that assessment.

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You’ve Seen the Nutmeg, Now Watch the Ad


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We’ve previously aired the footage of Wayne Rooney getting punked by a local boy while shooting a Nike commercial. Now watch the finished product.

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Posted in Jason ParkerComments Off

The Drunk’s ‘Special’ Picks


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After another week of winners takes my overall record to seven and two, I hope that everyone knows by now that The Drunk is no fluke. In fact, I am the Special One of picks. And since this is the first leg of the knockout stage of the Champions League, I hope that those of you not on the bandwagon get over yourselves and realize I’m putting money in your pocket. I am a one man bailout. Now excuse me while I look for a black coat and scarf to complete my Special ensemble.

Let’s just get it out of the way–Atlético Madrid vs. FC Porto. You don’t care, I don’t care. Neither one is winning this competition. But there will be some talent on the pitch and neither plays great defense, so there should at least be some goals.
The pick: The Other Madrid 2 – Portuguese Punters 1

In the easiest match to pick, Barcelona is going to beat Lyon. Both are top of their respective leagues by a good margin and both have been resting players. The difference is that one squad is among the best in the world, while the other is the best in France. And Barca shouldn’t be too happy after losing to their bottom-feeding rivals Espanyol this weekend.
The pick: Pep’s Powerhouse 3 – The Best Team in France (woo-hoo) 0

Arsenal hosts Roma in a battle of teams whose seasons haven’t gone as planned. And just like their seasons, this game is a case of good news/bad news. For the Gunners, the good news is that they’re unbeaten in their last 25 European home games; the bad news is that all of their good players are injured. Totti returns for i Giallorossi, which is always good news for Roma, the bad is that they have lost their last five visits to England.
The pick: Nil, nil to the Arsenal

In case you been in a coma and haven’t noticed, Inter Milan is hosting Manchester United. Every news media outlet has played and replayed every quote, stat and nugget of ‘useful’ expert analysis so many times that I don’t have to bore you with them. Look, it’s really the only game anyone is going to really watch today.
The pick:  Men from Manchester 1 – The Milan Team Beckham Doesn’t Play For 0

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Posted in The Angry DrunkComments Off

It’s About Time


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There’s only one thing on my mind today. Champions League. After waiting what seemed nine years for the knockout stage, it’s finally back. And what fun it brings. Italy vs. England. Sir Alex vs. The Special One. Arsene’s young boys vs. the aging non-wonders of Roma. Oh, and Lyon get to lose to Barcelona. And on some obscure network, Atlético Madrid take on Porto. Without further ado, let’s get to the rundown.

Darren Fletcher’s European trip isn’t off to the greatest of starts. Shortly after departing for Milan, his girlfriend and her mother were robbed at knifepoint by burglars who broke into his home. I guess that all the Liverpool players were at home that night.

While that may be an unfortunate incident, it isn’t getting in the way of the war of words between the managers. In yesterday’s well attended press conference, Jose Mourinho claimed that United’s tactics aren’t up to par with the Italian league. He then reiterated his desire to return to England so that his tactic of relying on a Drogba dive for a penalty can be successful again.

Arsenal’s trophy cabinet hasn’t been added to in some time, but top man Arsene Wenger fully believes that glory isn’t that far off. Of course, he seems only to be saying it to convince Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie to stay. Now seriously, what will it take to get you in this Hyundai today Mr. Fabregas?

But Arsene shouldn’t worry if he loses all of his best players before they can shave. Natural Hat Trick has found a replacement player that should fit in his budget. And now, there’s just that matter of our finder’s fee Mr. Wenger.

And what would delusional visions of grandeur be without an update from Anfield? This time, it’s Dirk Kuyt turn to serve up the Liverpool Kool-Aid. The Dutch anti-hitman believes that a win over Real Madrid can jumpstart the Reds dying BPL title hopes. And he still leaves teeth under his pillow.

Of course, some hallucinations can be both weird and comical. In a recent tell-all interview, Paul Gascoigne admitted to talking to and going out for drinks with fake parrots. He didn’t say if he met them at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

For what it’s worth: Gary Lineker thinks his ears stick out.

For what it’s worth, part two: David Beckham thinks his move to Milan is close to being completed.

For what it’s worth, part three: Both of these things are of little interest to me.

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